Thursday, April 12, 2012
Pasang 2, 3 - Hebatkah Anda?
A couple of days back I read a friend's status update on FB. It was commending another friend for 'memasang 3' as opposed to 'memasang 2' which was the number he was at last year and saying how 'hebat' this guy was. I was disturbed, and NO, not by the fact that this friend was practising polygamy, but because of the fact that the friend practising polygamy was assumed as a 'great' man and/or 'hebat'.
Obviously, they do not understand the true meaning of what 'polygamy' is and what it entails.
I come from a family that have practised polygamy. And with that, I have seen the 'good' and the 'bad' that polygamy entails. I have seen polygamy work, and work really well. The husband is firm, tells the 1st wife openly he will marry another, discusses it with the 1st wife's family, has principles and treats the wives equally as could possibly be done by him. Most importantly, the husband is the boss and does not cave to unreasonable demands of any of his wives.
But I have also seen instances where families are destroyed and the suffering by wife and/or wives at the hand of the husband. Why? Because the husband has NO balls. He runs off and marries the other in secret, Thailand and does not have the balls to tell his first wife. In that, he has already failed to be fair to his first wife. And then after marrying his second wife, he goes back to his first wife and then starts the charade so as to disguise the existence of the 2nd wife. In doing that, he neglects his 2nd wife as he cannot visit her as often and can only meet her in secret. In this, he again fails to be fair, but now to his 2nd wife. And dari situ bermulalah perebutan dan tingkah laku isteri to win the husband's heart, with one and at one time both the wives resorting to black magic to make the husband love them more than the other. In this, the husband has failed both wives again by (i) making them feel that one is more loved than the other; and (ii) not being able to control his wives until the wives resorted to something 'haram' like this.
I just shake my head. Inikah lelaki-lelaki berpoligami di luar sana yang hebat yang dimaksudkan di dalam status FB itu?
I read this wonderful article which can be found at :- http://sayangislam.com/2010/02/02/tiada-payung-emas-untuk-wanita-bermadu/. I have taken the liberty of reproducing it below:-
And I cannot agree more with this article. Just like any other muslim women out there, having the title of the '1st wife' is one of my greatest fears. Moga dijauhkan (well if it has not already happened la kan - Sigh).
But since it is not something I can object to, I would at least expect my husband to know the pre-requisites of polygamy and that it is not a privilege but a RESPONSIBILITY.
I wonder whether that friend which posted that status update realises what a foolish statement he has made. Tiada kehebatan dalam lelaki yang berpoligami sekiranya tidak mampu memahami dan menjalankan tanggungjawab yang wajib di dalam perlakuan poligami itu.
I also pray for the other friend referred to in that status. Semoga anda menyedari tanggungjawab anda dan dapat berjalan dengan lurus di akhirat kelak. Amin.