Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Time

"Some things don't last forever, but some things do. Like a good song, or a good book, or a good memory you can take out and unfold in your darkest times, pressing down on the corners and peering in close, hoping you still recognise the person you see there..." ~ Sarah Dessen

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Most Merciful.

From the outset, I would like to state that this post is about my angel kids, the children I have lost. 

Akif and Aisha, this one is for you.

Every single year, and how long has it been? Akif would have been 4, Aisha would have been 10, I would be shrouded in darkness. I just go deeper and deeper into it, not being able to get out.

I remember the devastating email that came from Palestine informing me I had lost may daughter. 

I remember that at this time during the year in 2012, I stopped going to work. I was in and out of hospitals, the days I was not, I would be in a coffee shop, counting kicks, noting it down in my book. Hoping for life, but as a mom, inevitably knowing that death was near.

To be honest the images, they get more clouded, less clear every year. But the feelings, that somehow remains the same. 

I keep on waiting and waiting for  the feelings to subside, to die down, to numb but years on I have to say that I felt as much grief now as I did years ago.

I am surrounded by people that I love, that love me and my, I am blessed. 


But the void, it never truly goes away. I try to keep myself busy, but there are times I wonder how this little boy would look like had he lived. How I would be preparing for playschool for him now. How maybe he would look like his big brother. How he would drive me crazy with his antics. How this, how that...

I wonder whether Aisha would have lived to obtain a permit to leave Gaza and come visit her ummi all the way in Malaysia. I heard almost her entire family is gone now. None living past the age of 40. 

And it feels the same. It hurts just the same as it did when it happened.

What is it am I supposed to do now? How long is this grief thing supposed to take? Because to be honest I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am sick of walking around with the weight of all this grief, with the memories that haunt me while I wake.

Every single damn end of the year.

There is always a phrase that haunts me in my dreams these few months, and I stop sleeping, I stop eating, I stop living. That phrase that screams out loud inside my head.

"I'M SO SORRY I COULDN'T SAVE YOU..."

I am so sorry kids. I tried. I did everything I could. It just was not meant to be.

I wish I could hear them say it, that they forgive me. Then maybe I could forgive myself. 

Maybe. 

Maybe one day.

Not today. 

Not for a long time yet.

Akif's journey can be read here.


Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Safi Rania Gold Beetox Obsession

"It was a sort of ferocious, quiet beauty, the sort that wouldn't let you admire it. The sort of beauty that always hurt." - Maggie Stiefvater

In the name of Allah, the Beneficient, the Almighty.

Hi everyone. Just wanted to share with you my current skincare obsession.



So Iza dah pakai for 6 weeks dah. And memang ada beza tu my skin. This serum and elixir is crazy awesome!

The pores and pigmentation nampak beza tau! The most crazy thing about this? the PRICE.

It's just super cheap compared to the Japanese or even Korean, (apatah lagi brand org putih) out there.

So this is definitely a go for me thats in my 30s to incorporate in my skincare routine. 

Give it a shot. It works!

Much love from Airiel and I.

Peace and love to everyone.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Pemuteran, Bali - A secret hideaway to unwind...

"There's only one place I want to go and it's to all the places I've never been" - Nikki Rowe

Hola! 

Teka Iza pergi mana this time around?

Every year mesti iza akan ke bali, tapi this time Iza ingat nak pergi tempat tak ramai sgt tourist lagi. Iza decide nak pergi Pemuteran.

Basically Pemuteran is at the opposite side of Bali and the more known places such as Kuta. 

5 jam dari airport kalau bawak laju baru sampai ke sana okay? 

Yes, memang jauh. But nak share skit betapa cantiknya kampung nelayan ni.



Actually Pemuteran ni tempat org suka scuba pergi. Ada pelancong but tak macam Kuta, Ubud atau Seminyak.

It was so peaceful and quiet, exactly what I needed to destress. Moto - work hard play hard gittew hahaha.

Next post I am going to share makanan halal mana nak cari kat Pemuteran ni. 

In the meantime layan satu lagi gambar. Cewahh


Sigh, I miss Bali already. 

Next year Bali, Iza akan kembali lagi. I promise.

Much love from Airiel and I.

Peace and love to everyone.

Sunday, September 24, 2017

Weekie 2017 - Suunah Kekabu Boutique Hotel & Resort, Shah Alam

"Parents were the only ones obligated to love you; from the rest of the world you had to earn it." Ann Brashares

In the name of Allah, the Beneficient, the Almighty, the Most Merciful.

Hi readers. How are things? In between the last blog post, I have squeezed in a vaccay in Bali and just finished a lovely weekend with Airiel.

Before updates on Bali, let me just share with you this lovely hotel I found in Section 20, Shah Alam. 

The hotel is called Suunah Kekabu. Pics below:-

Airiel excited to reach the hotel. Loving the decor already from the outside


Funky!


Woody feel of the lobby

Loving the way the rooms are numbered


Cantik kan?


Another view of the lobby


Look at the feature wall inside my suite.


Loving the poster inside the room too!


My wardrobe and cabinet was all dark wood. Soo pretty!


After lying down on this bed I realised how the hotel got its name. All the mattresses and pillows are the traditional kekabu ones! Luv!


My presidential suite has 2 king beds and 1 single beds. The 1 king size bed and 1 single bed is on the top level of the loft style suite.


Even the mini pantry was made of all wood. Loving the old style mugs!


The little mini seating area also all wood


This is basically how it looks! Love the concept!

The Presidential suite was only RM300 plus, reasonable price for such a huge room this size. 

Loved this hotel and will definitely come back! 

Do try and stay here and enjoy the woody kampung feel of the rooms while being right in the city area! 

Tip- Booking doesn't seem to show the Presidential suite. I suggest you call the hotel directly.  Prices are reasonable.

Much love from Airiel and I.

Peace and love to everyone.

Monday, September 4, 2017

Aidiladha 2017 - A blessing

"It is only with true love and compassion that we can begin to mend what is broken in the world. It is these two blessed things that can begin to heal all broken hearts" - Steve Maraboli

In the name of Allah, the Beneficient, the Most Merciful.

How was your Aidiladha? Mine was such a splendid, blessed affair.

Aracare had 1 cow and 1 sheep for qurban this year for its maiden Qurban initiative. Let's see the pictures shall we?









Overall it was a success, with 100 over packs distributed to the poor, refugees, single moms and low income families. 

Airiel followed me throughout the process and I must say I am just so overwhelmed with it. It made me realise the sacrifice another living being has to make so I can eat. Sesungguhnya sgt menginsafkan. So ajar Airiel utk berjimat, jgn membazir makanan. An animal had to die so we can eat. He seems to understand.

Follow aracare at its FB page or Instagram to see how we try to make a change, one life at a time! Just type in Aracare Ngo! 

Much love from Airiel and I.

Peace and love to everyone.

Until next time.

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Fernweh 2017 - Bayou Lagoon Resort

"My personal hobbies are reading, listening to music, and silence" - Edith Sitwell

In the name of Allah, the Beneficient, the Most Merciful.

Hello everyone. Just some updates on a recent short vaccay with Airiel. I went to Bayou Lagoon Resort in Melaka. 

It was the cheapest on Hotels.com so I made a booking and off we went. Let me show you the pics:-


Nice spacious lobby with high ceilings









The room was nice and spacious. It has a kitchenette. Airiel and I bunked here.









The park was not bad and kept Airiel entertained. Of course Mama was forced to go up slides like 50 times. Huarghhh.

The breakfast was also not bad. Loved the porridge. 

Check out their deals. All deals include waterpark tickets and breakfast. There are 1,2,3 bedroom apartments too, so its perfect for families.

A worthwhile trip. Airiel is already pestering me for the next one. Hmmmnnn where should I take him? Any suggestions? Drop me a line. 

Much love from Airiel and I.

Peace and love to everyone.