Monday, September 30, 2013


Hi readers,

We are all running from something, don't you agree?

I completed my first marathon this Sunday. Alhamdulillah.

People look at my small frame and say to me, 'Can you do it?'. I have never been a runner. Heck, for a long while, the only time I would sweat is when I went for saunas, hahaha. I am not exactly a fit person. For a while I was so discouraged. But I woke up one day realising, how many times have life beat me down and I have picked myself up?

The Runatics y'all - 21 km Alhamdulillah

Airiel so proud of mama...

If I can do this, I can do anything!! And yes, I have a lot of plans on what to do next. 

Running I find is very calming, you zone out everything else and just concentrate on your pace and the music that you hear.

But while I ran, one thing was constant in my mind. My kids.

Airiel, Akif. Mama ran because of you. Thank you for being present in Mama's life.

You are Mama's strength.

Remember readers, you can do ANYTHING you want in this life. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. You can also SURVIVE anything. I have. I have survived everything a wife, a woman and a mother should never go through, all before the age of 30.

Be strong, be inspired. Be BRAVE. Have a good week ahead readers. 

Friday, September 27, 2013

The Worst Time...

"Everybody was sorry. Sorry was easy. Sorry was for suckers" ~ Gretchen McNeil

A reader emailed me asking, what is the worst time for me in a day, when you get sad and remember all these things that have happened, when do you miss Akif the most?

There are a few times in a day basically. I wake up everyday and the first 5 minutes of waking up, I feel this amazing void and realise that something in my life is missing. But as soon as I am fully awake I am okay. It is just the moment just before that, the few minutes before consciousness sets in, that is the worst. Airiel makes a point of waking me up with a kiss every day and he makes me feel so much better. Thank you Allah for letting him be present in my life.

And then whenever I drive. Yupp, we Malaysians spend so much time on the road kan? Whenever I drive alone my mind just drifts. I dread driving these days. I am reminded of how I drove myself bleeding to the hospital with Nenda and Airiel on her lap, crying. Things like that, you just can't forget. Sigh

And lastly, those moments before I drift to sleep. Always the hardest. Always...

I hope I have answered her questions. She recently lost her twin brother and was finding it hard to cope. No one seemed to understand her grief. I am so sorry for your loss...

Happy Friday and have a good weekend readers. Wish me luck for my marathon this Sunday!!

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Hammam Spa, Publika

"May you get exactly what you want, and live long enough to regret it" ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

Hi readers,

I now make a point to pamper myself every 2 or 3 weeks. Drop everything, work and all and just make a point to pamper myself because health is very important. I learnt that while you may bend over backwards for people around you, they will not necessarily do the same when you need them to. So over anything else, you need to take care of yourself, because in the end the only person you can rely on is yourself. I thank God, I have the best and most supportive family ever. Nenda, Atok, Bonda, Maksu and Airiel have been a solid and stable support system for me.

Anyways, back to pampering oneself. I bought a cheap package that was on offer when Hammam Spa was just about to open in Publika. The 'Emperor's Concubine' Package. It comes in sets of 3 treatments per package. The treatment was just about 2 hours and 30 mins. I brought Bonda along just before raya.

The package consists of the Hammam & Gommage followed by a massage with aromatic oils of your choice.

The Hammam & Gommage which is unique to Hammam Spa, is something completely out of this world. Let me warn you if you are shy about your body, then this treatment is going to give you heart palpitations, because they strip you BARE and SCRUB you clean EVERYWHERE (and I mean everywhere). But I LOVED it. My 'scrubber' was this Turkish woman by the name of Nadya. The only conversation we had was her asking 'Pain?' or 'No pain?' as she was scrubbing me clean.

What shocked me was the amount of dead skin that actually came of my body. It was promptly collected into a metal bucket, shown to me and then thrown away. A type of soap was applied to my body afterwards, and you are also given a hairwash as well.

I had a 70 min massage afterwards which was not that impressive to me as it didn't really leave a lasting impression but maybe its just my personal preference. Bonda said it was a good massage for her.

I would definitely sign up for their Hammam & Gommage packages after this. It is such a wonderful experience.

You can look up Hammam Spa at their facebook page here.

No pictures in this post as I was not allowed to take photos.

Have a great week ahead!

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Mama's Rock

Terima kasih Allah kerana memberikan pinjaman yang terindah ini.

Thank you Airiel for being in Mama's life. Without you, Mama will not be able to survive.

This is LOVE.

Then, now and forevermore...

Have a good week ahead readers...

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

The Clock is Ticking..

For the life of me I am bad in maths.

I can't count to save my life. Maybe that explains my current profession.

But there is an automatic clock, calculator in my head. For instance I know for a fact without counting that Akif passed away exactly 220 days ago. Just like that. Isn't that the weirdest thing?

I remember almost photographically what happened on the day he died. What I ate for breakfast that day. (Actually I did not eat, I drank tea). What I was wearing when I drove to the hospital. That Nenda was crying with Airiel on his lap. What I was chatting about with the nurses in my room. Akif on a monitor. Doctors coming in and out. Younger doctors fascinated by Akif's condition asking me all sorts of questions (you can obviously tell by now what he suffered from is very rare).

Me being transferred on to a bed, wheeled to the operating room. They stopped by in front to let me see Nenda and Airiel. Nenda still crying. Me talking to Akif about fighting to the end before being wheeled in. Feeling his final kick.The operation, the doctors taking Akif away.

Me shivering in the recovery room. Pediatricians holding my hand telling me they are doing everything they can to save Akif. That Akif is a strong little fighter. That kind lady doctor pediatrician holding my hand as she told me Akif did not make it. Bonda coming in asking me about funeral arrangements.

Every single detail committed to memory photographically forever in my mind. Etched.

They say you are too painful to remember. But to me, you are just too beautiful to forget.

I miss you very much. Every day. Till we meet again, my little one.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Awesome deals on I Love Discounts

Hey readers,

I am excited about a few deals I saw on I Love Discounts a couple of days back. I bought 2 items for myself.

I bought a Liquid Foundation by Anna Sui via this deal : -

Its a steal.

Ohh, and when I was buying my dior face stuff the other day, the salesperson was trying to recommend their Dior BB cream.

Apparently I am quite behind in this BB cream trend. Now there is even a CC cream and god knows what else.

So when I saw this Missha BB Cream on sale at I Love Discounts, I decided to try it out. I looked up the brand online and apparently its quite reputable. Its at this link :-

Also a steal.

I Love Discounts is powered by Dealmates.

Click and shop away!!

Have a good the rest of the week.