This is just Counter Productive

I am blogging yes..

But from one of my laptops which I brought to the office.

Why you ask?

Because my office has decided to block Youtube, Facebook, blogs and any social networking site out there.
And even worse, I cannot access any online banking sites, CIMB, Maybank, RHB.

While the management may think that this is for the productivity of the firm, I must..with all the professionalism I can muster..shall respectfully disagree..and I do so for the following reasons:-

(a)  You cannot expect me to work for 12 hours a day (and yes...we lawyers do spend up to 12 hours here, forsaking time with partners, children, parents, pets e.t.c) and not go into facebook at least for 10 minutes every 3 or 4 hours?

(b)  We are always told to be more sociable, I am a social handicap after all. And Facebook tu kan 'Social Networking' punya site. Hello? This is my only lifeline to have a semblance of a semi-normal life;

(c) I have always listened to music while I work. This practice has started since uni days. Remember the tudung girl who always carries a green folder full of cassettes in the UITM Law Faculty? Yes, that would be me. Did my results ever go down the drain because of my music listening habits? NO, I was one of the top-scorers there.This means only one thing - MUSIC is absolutely necessary for my productivity. You blocked Youtube, my only source of music in this office.  I shall automatically therefore be less productive. Thank you.

(d) Since I spend so much time in this workplace, sitting in front of this pc. I would not have time to go to the Bank would I? Therefore online banking transactions are a must for me. Why was it blocked for the love of God?

I do not understand this act of cruelty. Someone please explain this to me?

So terpaksalah bawak laptop ke ofis setiap hari...

Sob..sob

Bizzie Bee

Am so bz right now.

Will blog more when I have the time.

Hugzzzzzz

Ibu apakah anda?

Hangin satu badan betulla!!!

Read this:- http://www.bharian.com.my/bharian/articles/MohdFazlidihukumgantungselepasdidapatibersalahbunuhSyafiahHumaira/Article/

Why are you so freaking sad? He is the KILLER of your child!!! He kicked her, abused her, MURDERED her.

I am so angry, I do not know what to say...

We are a messed up society we are...all of us.

Sigh

Dilemma of a Working Mother

Well, I know that the title of this post is a general one but I am just referring to myself actually..

My job is a demanding one, ( I thank God that the hours were not as bad as they were before) and at times when I am really busy, I am REALLY BUSY.

Last Saturday, Airiel already had a cough...Sunday, cough persisted but no fever.

I had a trial the coming Monday (which is scheduled to last until next Tuesday - if we are lucky)

So I left the house as 6.30 to make sure all documents were in order and all the relevant documents were brought to Court (all 4 boxes of em' together with 2 counsel bags and God knows what else - Thank God I was with a colleague)

Apparently Airiel was wheezing, Bonda took him to the clinic for a NEB session in the afternoon, and his fever spiked as well.

I could not get out of that trial, I just couldn't...

After the trial was adjourned to the next day, I went back to the office and left around 8.30 (early I might add with all the workload right now). At the same time Bonda, Nenda and Atok had already gerak to take Airiel to the clinic for another NEB session.

I drove Stevie at 170 km an hour to reach the clinic (which was at home) in 15 mins. And I cried all the way...

I am an "ABSENT" mother and that is just a FACT...I was not there when it mattered the most.

I tell Aries 'you are not around for our son'  and yet I am no better nor am I any different. And I am worse, at least Aries has an excuse. He lives 300 miles away. What freaking excuse do I have?

It kills me...from inside to out..

I have tried to balance being everything, being a good wife to Aries, a good daughter to Nenda and Atok, a good daughter in law to my MIL and FIL, a good sis to Kema and Bonda, a good and reliable employee to my bosses and I swear to God that I am trying my best to be the best mother to Airiel.

I do not know how to achieve all that... how do I balance all this? I really do not know... I am truly lost.

Yesterday was a sleepless night, sponging Airiel's body to get his fever down. Poor him, kena masuk ubat bontot untuk kebahkan demam.  I have a fever today but like everything that goes on when it comes to me, I ignore it. I am thinking, it ain't that serious until I land myself in the hospital. So I just blink and have 2 panadol actifast and move on.

As I have said before, on certain days I feel like I am running and functioning on pure adrenalin to get by.

But this is one day where I feel that everything is just tiring me down.

Idza Hajar sesungguhnya sangat penat.

Dear Allah, please give me the strength to accept the things that I cannot change, and the perseverance to change what I can...

Yellow Bag

This is the yellow bag which i have fallen in love with..

I think Kathy Van Zeeland bags are so pretty and the prices are even prettier..!!

Will be making an order for it soon.

It's going to be a crazy week. I am stuck in a trial until next tuesday.

Closing submissions in a week's time after that..

Just a quick post here lah mcm tu kan..

Will update if I have more time..have a good, productive week guys!!

Quote of the day II

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind' ~ Michael Reyes

Yehaaaa

Guys..

My red bag is here!!!

Can't wait, can't wait!!!

Hahahaha

Next on my list is a lurvely yellow bag plak..

Pics later k?

Selamat Hari Malaysia everyone!!

Murder most Foul

I am truly disturbed by the murder of millionaire Nouvelles Visages cosmetics founder, her driver, lawyer and CIMB Bank Officer.

I shall refrain from making comments about the case as I think it is inappropriate to do so at this juncture, in light of the pending investigations.

I just want to concentrate instead on the grieving families. I have been made to know that the lawyer was a friend of our Farah's hubby.

The greatest tragedy in life is to see someone taken from their loved ones to soon, some would say before their time. And to be taken away in this manner. Sigh.. I can only imagine. A wife without a husband, a husband without a wife, children without their father and mother. Thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.

My deepest and sincerest condolences goes out to the families of this terrible-terrible crime. Let those responsible be brought to justice.

Nauzubillah Ya Allah, janganlah diambil orang-orang yang kusayangi dengan cara sebegini, sesungguhnya aku tidak akan mampu menerimanya.

Oh Dear..whose feathers have I ruffled now..?

Ouchh...!!!

Looks like my post about Aries touched a nerve guys... look at the comment to my saujana buffet post further down... Siap kata 'jgnlah cemar reputasi sendiri'. Amboi....memang nak kena tapak kaki kasut aku la kan.

Haha..*grins in glee*

Too bad I am quite the computer whiz...too bad I can trace the so-called 'anonymous' IP address and know exactly who made that comment...

So what say you?

What say me?

Nothing *sound of crickets chirping malam-malam*

Even though I know who he/she is, I shall only address the issues raised by him/her in a general manner because I think he/she missed the point of that particular post.

If he/she knew the 'law' which I shall presume that he/she does because I know exactly who he/she is..he/she would know that:-

(a) As a matter of law, the contents of my post falls far short of the ingredients of
defamation;

(b) They were potentially figments of my overactive imagination which I have said in my
disclaimer; and

(c) Is there not a possibility that there may be proof to back up whatever that is said in
there? Does the word 'justification' in the law of defamation sound familiar?

I would also like to say that we are ok with what happened.. we are at peace for forgiving whoever was involved. He/she have sorely mistaken the purpose for which that post was written. That post I wrote was not to defend Aries. Yes, he is my husband and I love him with all my heart, despite his faults and all but I am actually his worst critic.

That post was written to express my disgust at what happened and by chance it happened to Aries. Honestly, I would have written the same post if I was privy to the facts even if it happened to a complete stranger (and I know for a fact it is happening to a few other people there as we speak).

Victimisation at the workplace is now rampant. There is a fine line between being 'difficult' and being 'mean'. It is a painful thing to watch and even more painful to experience as I was a victim myself. It destroys the sense of value of the victim, it degrades them, destroys their self-esteem, destroys their sense of self and their abilities to perform at the workplace. Many victims tend to become the purportrators themselves later in their career if they survived and the vicious cycle continues. Those who do not mentally survive the victimisation are scarred for life and would not be able to work in the same line anymore. I have seen this happen before my very eyes. This should not happen. It is wrong and any incidences that do happen should be brought out in the open, and the culprits be stopped so that they would not do it to anyone else. The culprits also need psychological help with anger, low self-esteem and a domineering, overpowering need to be in control to overcompensate for their shortcomings. They need help and people need to know.

I need to tell my readers that these things do happen. I owe it to my readers to say that if you are in this kind of situation, you walk away before it completely destroys you. I owe it to my readers to say that I was a victim, Aries was a victim and we walked away and stopped it before it got any further and we are ok.

I need to remind myself never to treat anyone in this manner. Aries needs to be reminded that he is never to treat anyone this way.

That is why that post was written, because it was a story that needed to be told. A reminder that should never be forgotten...

Whilst he/she might think that my reputation may be on the line because of my posts, I have no qualms about saying what I think needs to be said out in the open. If there is one thing I want to be known for, it is that I am honest (*owwh and that I do not kiss ass to be in my boss' good books, I do my job instead*). If I have offended he/she by that post or any other posts here, I am truly sorry but it needed to be said.

I shall not comment on he/she accusations of 'ethics'. I for one, know for a fact that when you point one finger at someone, there are another 4 fingers pointing right back at yourself, if you get my drift.

Like my mate masniey would say, the word that I feel like using right now is 'jubilation' when that someone(s) or something(s) no longer has that same distressing effect on you anymore...they no longer 'matter'. Masniey dude - I know exactly how you feel and it is great!!!

Sigh..I hope this ends it but I get a funny feeling that it won't.

Damn..we will see I suppose

Back to reality

Yes, yes..

Raya holidays are coming to an end...and it will be back to work soon..

Detailed updates will come later...

This post is about "post-raya blues" that I am currently suffering right now hahaha

My hands are itching to buy something online..as usual..

Ohhh ..and HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUDA!!!

Awak dah tua and bakal jadi mak orang tahu? Hehehe..

Crunch Mode

Tomorrow is my last day before I go on leave for Raya ..

Going off to Mars this year..well jarangpun balik Perak these days. My parents pun duduk KL je.. and I stay with them..and balik Kelantan pun brape kali jer setahun, so most major perayaan, lama kat in-laws.

Not that I am complaining... I actually like my in-laws, not judgmental, knows that I am a working mom and is as tired (if not more) than Aries sebab kerja and jaga anak lagi...so tak pester me memeruk ke dapur aje..kalau balik kampung sendiri...byk isu tau, malas nak criter...kalau sampai my wedding pon my Perak family punya side kecoh (most of them but not all) ada hati nak suruh family kami asingkan guests lelaki perempuan time my wedding (aper kes ni?) and tak bagi main mainstream music (nasyid only k? tak kisahla tu, tapi takleh campur skali ker? Ish..) then go figure la kan...

Statement paling tak boleh tahan. Them saying to my parents 'your daughters are WESTERNISED' . For those who know me la kan...am I really? Honestly do they know what is the meaning of the word? Itulah yg malas tu.. gila malas nak bertandang ke sana dan tgk org-org yang kononnya sangat EASTERNISED la kan... hahaha

Apa agaknye reasoning? Well maybe:-

(a) I speak English fluently, but c'mon how can that be a reason? I speak Arabic as well laaa!;

(b) I spent most of my childhood in UK where mum was studying and working at the time (so what?, this does not mean anything at all);

(c) I speak my mind. Now this was what my uncles said to my parents. Me and my siblings are too 'vocal' in voicing our opinions. I do not think being confident in your thoughts, views and beliefs are 'western' principles. In fact, it was my parents who instilled me these values and who taught me to be independent, strong and to always stand up for what you believe in; and

(d) Dressing? Now this cannot be the reason at all. 100% of my office attire consist of baju kurung. I wear and do so proudly, a headscarf;

So I am lost on this .. but anyways..because of this 'misunderstanding' as they would term it or what I would call 'shallow mindedness', we have not spoken to each other since my wedding kot....sad but true..so Aries does not really recognise any of my side's relatives (I am referring to my father's side). Sigh...

Ish..dah lari topik..but anyways..I am frantically trying finish off work before the leave. I have got one major piece of work done tapi bertimbun lagi ni yg lain... Lepas raya no cuti..tentatively ada trial right lepas raya i.e. 13 haribulan which should go on for a week.. and another one right after that from 20th onwards...get the picture? Penatlaaaaa....thank God I love my job. So Alhamdulillah in that sense.

Alhamdulillah murah rezeki Aries sejak practise ni...so kami tgh tersenyum happie ni...

Lalalalalala....

This may be my last post before Raya so I would like to say:-

"Salam Aidilfitri buat semua, ampun zahir dan batin ingin dipinta..."

Ramadhan Buffet

I promised to blog about my one and only buffet ramadhan experience.

I had to admit, I was jealous sbb Aries dpt pergi mkn buffet hotel kat JB dengan free...

So I pestered him to bring me to one..

Not a lot of pics..but aderla skit skit

Honestly, I felt ashamed..I felt like all this excess is just not in line with the spirit of the month untuk bersederhana. I did not eat that much anyway..and the food was not as great as mum's or mami's cooking and tiba-tiba terfikir tentang orang yang tak mampu nak makan.

Verdict: Sgt malu pada Tuhan dan diri sendiri and bersyukur dgn rezeki yg diberi.

I will never go to a buffet during Ramadhan again.

Ohh, and for my after raya bbq, thought of having that kambing golek seekor guling-guling, but when I tasted it here, it was baaaaaad.

So tak mahu lah..lamb chop jer bley?

Will update on dates and details for bbq later.

Change takes courage

I would like to congratulate Aries for today.

He has obtained his PC and is back in court.

It was not an easy journey. There are bits and pieces of the harrowing experience he went through in this blog, but a majority of the story is played out behind the scenes, with only me watching.

I know for a fact that he loves his previous job. Passionate enough about it to wake up earlier than I do to be in Court by 8.15 in the freaking morning, passionate enough to just go on ahead with a trial despite takde IP, passionate enough to endure half a year of crap from his now ^&**(%$ and yes, passionate enough to cover for his so called 'friends' (whom I know very well - some of them are my unimates remember?) who always duduk ofis to ampu &*((^%$, while he slaves away in Court sampai petang, only to be given a bad rep sebab jarang masuk ofis.

I told him, 'people who do not conform to the mould like you and me do not belong in the Government service'. I told him when his *&((&&^^ issued out a circular disabling him from &^$#$##% (which was embarrassingly pasted on every single balai polis in ^^&&*R that it is high time to walk away.

I told him when his (**&^%%^ told the newbies in the office that he was 'evil' and 'do not learn anything from him' that there is not point in staying with a &**((%$# who can see no good from you no matter how hard you try because he already has a pre-conceived notion about you and made no effort to be professional.

The demeaning sms'es, phone calls...all meant to take away every bit of dignity and confidence you have in your abilities (I have been there before but not to this degree).

He tried to take it, but couldn't ... and he left. I thought it was also disgusting that defamatory letters was sent out by &^%** to unrelated government departments accusing Aries of things totally unrelated to his job at the time. I know for a fact that even my name was mentioned. I know for a fact that even the status of my marriage was mentioned in this letter. Other details of the letter, biarlah menjadi rahsia kami. I know that as a matter of law, this letter was prima facie defamatory of me and Aries.

I know for a fact that our phones were tapped and may even be still to this day, I do not know for sure, and thats perhaps why info on our marriage ended up in that letter. But me and him refused to change our phone lines, because we were adamant we had nothing to hide.

I also hated the fact that when he left, a former colleague of his and both a unimate of ours just could not find it in himself or herself to be happy for him as he was given a really good offer by a firm stating that 'gaji memang banyak tp kalau buat representasi, confirm kena tolakla' (tempeleng jepun mahu?).

I cannot believe that after he left, his &^%^** asked around to see whether he was going to work in &^%%^ or &&%%& and then said 'I will make sure that if he works &*((%$$$, he will get no cases'. MasyaALLAH, kejinya anda. Are you then saying that awak boleh tentukan masa depan seseorang itu? Are you saying that you have the power untuk menyekat rezeki yang Tuhan telah tentukan untuk seorang hambaNYA? Bukankah Tuhan yang memberi rezeki? Not you right? What exactly do you mean by that statement you made, fool? Beristighfarlah sebentar dan sedarlah diri sedikit.

I am glad that Aries has managed to get the courage to walk away from this nonsense and I would have to state that it is nonsensical beyond belief, I really do not know whether to laugh or cry after experiencing it with him.

And now he has a really good boss and a good working environment. The Hijrah was for the best.

To his &*(*%$$, with Aries gone you will know siapa yg buat kerja, siapa yg tak. At least Aries will no longer have to cover for &())^^ who has a million excuses for not going to court, tayar pancitla, tak sihatla, mcm mcm la, takut sebab takde IP la ... every freaking monday buat hal I tell you (pelempang Jepun kepada anda juga boleh?). Siapalah agaknya mangsa baru si fulan itu? Jeng Jeng Jeng. Not our problem anymore...hahah

I know Aries is the type to let things go and forgive and forget and may not be happy with this post as he has believe it or not, forgiven the culprits for all that was said and done, but I feel that this post must be written so that we can bury our skeletons and move on with our lives. This will be the last post on this issue, ever.

To Aries, this is for you:-

Courage is not limited to the battlefield

The real tests of courage are much quieter

They are the inner tests, like remaining faithful when nobody's looking

like enduring pain when the room is empty, and 

like standing alone when you're misunderstood

Charles Swindoll

Change takes courage and you made that change. I am proud of you.

Disclaimer - Please note that the above may or may not be figments of my overactive imagination and should not be taken seriously :-)