When the ones you help burns you

I am the official accounts manager for my family's household.

I pay all the bills, keep track of the accounts, be it savings, current or otherwise.  I set aside monies for savings for every member of the household, set aside money for maintenance of the house and repairs among others.

I check through everyone's mail. Imagine my horror when I saw a repossession notice addressed to my older sister for a car she gave away to my father's friend who was apparently in need. The friend promised that he would pay for the monthly installments of the car. He lied. This is not the first time. This is the second time a repossession notice for that damn car has reached this house.

I was fuming. When I told my father, he got all defensive, saying that his friend was going through a hard time and was a loyal political supporter to 'x' and was fighting for a noble cause and was thus unable to hold on to a steady job as the political ventures got in the way. My father sarcastically stated that we muslims have become selfish people (which was directed at me of course) and stated that he will solve the problem for his friend (I suspect that he will fork out his own money to pay the outstanding payment as usual) and told me that I need not think about it and can carry on thinking about myself.

I told him he was not being realistic, that to fight for a cause these days, money is needed. He says faith was never about money and went all 'merajuk'.

I sighed and let the matter drop.

I realise that my father has become an enabler to his friends and I say so for the following reasons:-

• Most if not all of his friends does not hold down a steady job and depend on their wives for money. 
• They almost always state that they are unable to work because of the 'perjuangan';
• Almost all (the friend above included) live beyond their means;
• My father goes all out to help those he believes is fighting for this cause and l
• When my father 'lends' them something, they never have the courtesy of taking care of the things borrowed. If it is money, it will never be paid back. If it is items, it will be returned (if at all) in the worse shape possible; 
• In cases of cars, like above they borrowed the car expecting to never have to pay for it; and
• They always come to him when they have outstanding bills and whatever else is outstanding and expect him to settle it for them.

Perhaps my father was correct in saying that his friend was going through a hard time. But if he could not afford paying for that car, the least he could do was:-

(a)   realise that he in actual fact could not afford to pay for the car and return the car to us; or

(b)   inform us that he is missing payments so that we can make arrangements to have the outstanding paid so as to avoid a repossession notice reaching our doorstep.

HE DID NOT HAVE THE COURTESY TO DO EITHER. Who do you think is selfish here? 

Lay people simply do not understand the effect of these notices on your credit reputation with the bank. Because of this notice, my sister will have difficulties getting loans, credit cards and banks will be less flexible with regards to payments. The list goes on. This is my worry. It is a big deal.

I do not understand why his friends as males, heads of their family think it is ok to bail on their responsibilities to provide for their family or nafkah to wives JUST ON THE PRETEXT OF PERJUANGAN.

I think that is not what our religion professes or teaches at all. As men, you are to supposed to juggle it all. If you want to berjuang for a cause, by all means do it, but Tuhan sudah tetapkan tanggungjawab anda sebagai lelaki, suami dan ayah untuk provide for your family. Perjuangan is no excuse to abdicate these responsibilities. 

And I see these superiority complexes among most 'pejuang-pejuang agama' these days. I keep quiet but I look away when I see their wives bekerja mcm nak gila, jual kuih untuk tampung belanja anak-anak, whilst their husbands pergi berjuang ceramah sini sana, tanpa beri nafkah kepada isteri dan anak, lepas tu claim penat and lepak di kedai mamak bersama 'pejuang-pejuang lain' and minta pula duit isteri untuk beli rokok and THEY ACTUALLY THINK THAT IS ENOUGH TO GET THEM THROUGH JUDGMENT DAY? Please.

I do respect the work he does for charity, he is reknowned for that, but I also believe that these people on the pretext of being poor and needy, have come to rely on him completely as a lifeline and at times have taken him for a ride.

I have seen a family he helped on the pretext of being needy and poor, but anaknya pula pakai handphone mahal mahal, nak pergi sekolah private, ini kes aper ni? Sungguh memalukan.

I know he is going to pay for the outstanding sums on the car himself so that his friend can be saved, but SAMPAI BILA? How can you help org sebegini if they are unwilling to help themselves?

I just wonder...