I struggle as I write this.
Too many sad posts in this blog about grief and sadness. And I do not want 2014 to be about that anymore.
But I know some of my readers count on me to share my experiences and it gets them through their days. I remember the man I met who said that the wife reads my blog religiously to cope with the own death of her child.
I must let my pain be known for it to benefit others. And so I shall continue.
But I refuse to believe that pain represents all that is bad. I refuse to believe that it will crush me although on some days it surely feels like it. I refuse to believe that it will consume me although on some days I have to admit that it does.
I know now that all that I went through has made me wiser, has made me accept reality for what it is. What does not kill you, makes you stronger. Cliche but true. I know that I am stronger.
Yesterday marks 11 months since Akif left my life. I tried to keep myself busy, as busy as I can get. But there is that feeling in your gut that just won't go away. It tells me that something very important in my life is not here with me. It tells me that the loss I feel is real. It tells me that I shall be missing someone for the rest of my life. It tells me that I, as a mother has lost a child.
But let me tell you something.Whilst I had tears in my eyes all day. I did not simply burst into tears like previous months. I was able to blink them away. I was able to function. I was able to smile, laugh...I was able to connect with other people.