1 Year Soon - A Tale of Love

My dearest readers,

It is going to be a year since Akif has left me soon, on 02.02.2014. I don't think I will be able to post anything about him on the day itself, it will be too difficult. The pain is too raw, the memories too fresh. So I will post this now, while I still have the strength.

What I'm about to disclose below is something I wrote after I had a dream where I met my grandfather. That post is here. This was written on 26th January 2013:-

"Akif,

Mama mimpi semalam. Mimpi mama bagi mama tanda yang Akif akan tinggalkan Mama tak lama lagi. Yang Akif tidak lama lagi di dunia ini.

Hancurnya hati Mama tak dapat Mama gambarkan. Tapi sayang Mama pada Akif, cinta Mama pada Akif tidak sehebat cinta Yang Maha Esa terhadap Akif. Mungkin ada hikmahnya di sebalik tempoh Akif berada di sini yang Mama sudah pasti tidak lama. Mama harus terima, Mama harus redha. 

Akif bukan untuk Mama. Akif hanya pinjaman sementara.

Tapi Akif, walaupun cinta Mama, Mama tahu tiada tandingan dengan cinta Yang Maha Esa terhadap Akif, izinkan Mama titipkan juga rasa cinta Mama terhadap Akif yang tidak seberapa. Ini kenangan kita, rahsia kita. Akif hidup di dalam Mama, sakitnya Akif menyeksa jiwa Mama. Hidup Akif melalui Mama. Perginya Akif dari hidup Mama, Akif harus tahu Akif membawa pergi bersama Akif sebahagian dari jiwa Mama.

Ingat cinta Mama Akif. Ingat. Walaupun nanti Mama tidak dapat melihat Akif sehingga Mama dimamah dan ditelan usia, sehingga nafas terakhir Mama, sehingga berakhirnya tempoh usia dunia. Mungkin sekadar diizinkan berjumpa di akhirat sana sekiranya cukup amalan Mama, cinta Mama terhadap Akif tetap kekal dan utuh selamanya.

Walaupun Mama tidak dapat mendengar Akif menangis, melihat senyuman pertama Akif, menyambut Akif ketika Akif jatuh, menyapu airmata Akif ketika Akif bersedih, walaupun Mama tidak dapat melihat Akif membesar di depan mata Mama, Akif tetap hidup di dalam jiwa Mama, Akif sentiasa berada di dalam hati dan memori Mama.

Ingat cinta Mama Akif, kerana cinta Mama bukan hadir sekadar di mata, bisa luput dan berubah seandainya berjauhan, cinta Mama hadir di dalam jiwa.

Pergilah Akif sayang bila tiba masanya, Mama redha. Bergembiralah di alam yang kekal di sana. Tapi Akif, ingatlah cinta Mama. Ingat cinta Mama.

Idza

26th Janury 2013

3.48 am"

Peace and love to everyone.
Idza

When The Words Don't Come...

"The music in his laughter had a way of rounding off the missing notes in her soul" ~ 

Gloria Naylor

If the words don't come my way

I hope you'll still know..

I hope it will still show..

If the words don't come my way...

I hope you still know...

What my heart wants to say...

Thank You

"Other people are going to find healing in your wounds. Your greatest life messages and your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurts" ~ Rick Warren

Hey readers,

From the outset, I state that this is a post about Akif. 

I am glad that my experiences with Akif have helped other mothers. Yesterday I was missing Akif so much, and this email came from one of my readers.

I get 1 or 2 emails like this a day. And it just warms my heart from the inside out.

When I read all these supportive emails, I realise that I am not alone in my grief, that I am not alone in missing my angel child.

When these emails say that I am strong, it makes me believe, even for a moment that perhaps I am as strong as they say I am. 

When my readers say thank you, I just want to say how much I want to thank them back, because they have helped me more than I could ever help them.

All of you make me smile, and even if there are tears, they are tears of joy.

Akif, mama wants you to see how much you have helped others. You have inspired mama so much in your short time here, and now even when you are gone, what you went through with mama helps others.

Mama is so proud of you.

Mama misses you angel Akif, to the heavens and back.

Thank you readers.

Thank you Akif.

Let's Get Lost - Part 2 (2014) - Terengganu

"Maybe you had to leave in order to really miss a place; maybe you had to travel to figure out how beloved your starting point was" ~ Jodi Picoult

Hey readers,

So many emails asking me where I went for the long weekend. Krabi? Koh Samui? Maldives? Haha.

I went somewhere closer to home. I went to Terengganu!!

The view of the beach at the resort I was staying in

I stayed at the Suria Merang Resort. The deal was on groupon. It was RM234 for a 3 days and 2 nights stay. So my friend bought the groupon and off we went!!. Now, Suria Merang Resort has seen better days. The room was acceptable but pretty basic. But I loved the friendly staff and the surroundings. That was priceless I'd say.

What is a trip to Terengganu without a trip to Pasar Payang? The batiks here are beautiful and so much cheaper than price kat KL. I bought a bunch hehe.

The infamous Restoran Mat Binjai in Kuala Terengganu. Apparently all the bloggers say I need to try the food here. It serves predominantly Minang style food and whats awesome about this place is that when you go in you just sit down and order drinks. The waiters will then serve you the plates of lauk. You will only be charged for what you actually eat. The budu was awesome!!

The last day we were here we went to Premier Deluxe Seafood restaurant that was a bit upscale. This was a set for 2 pax at RM58. Came with air sirap. We were so full from snacks earlier we just couldn't finish this. Huhu, membazir. Food is just not high on my hierarchy of things these days readers. Sorry.

Diyana and I then tried the Taman Tamadun Islam River Cruise.  It was a 45 minute cruise with a tour guide. They took us to all the beautiful spots like Masjid Kristal, and some of the beautiful islands around the river. It was really awesome.

 Round up of my trip in pictures. Terengganu is a beautiful place indeed.

Oh by the way friends, I am no longer on Facebook. I have deleted it permanently. Find me on Instagram or Wechat ok? That's where most of my updates are.

Cannot wait for my next planned trip soon! Stay tuned guys!!

Have a good rest of the week.

Seniman Menangis...

Kalau kau berada di belakang tabir menyaksikan

Kau akan melihat seniman ini menangis...

Let's Get Lost - Part 1 (2014)

"I was born lost and take no pleasure in being found" ~ John Steinback

Hey everyone,

I have a resolution in 2014 and in the years to come.

I want to travel and see the world! When Airiel is old enough I will take him EVERYWHERE with me.

But for now Airiel and Akif's mama needs some time by herself, in solitude...

To ponder, reminisce and say goodbye...

Calm me, sounds of the sea...for I have missed thee

Have fun over the long weekend everyone...

EPIC Kangkung Memes

"Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to Government, when it deserves it" ~ Mark Twain

Hello readers,

I am sure all my readers know about the recent kangkung fiasco issue that has gone viral. I just have to share with you these memes that made me laugh so hard, I just fell off my chair.

 

 The 'Let's Eat Kangkung for breakfast, lunch and dinner' one

Kangkung Man anyone? hahaha 

Burger King jadik Burger Kangkung hadoiii 

The 'I'm a Kangkung Supplier' meme hahaha 

Hahahaha

Keep Calm and eat the damned Kangkung hahaha 

Kangkung the movie meme 

Hahaha 

Gelak terguling hahahaha 

LOL 

Proton Kangkung haha so epic 

hahaha, apakah?? haha

This is just way TOO funny!! 

 Hahaha, bayar tol pakai kangkung

Kangkung Wikipedia...

And last but not least

Kangkung Tol Rates!!!

Hahaha, this is just so EPIC and too funny!!!

Apakah ini? 

Have a good remainder of the week people.

Disclaimer : I do not own these pictures and the rights to them belongs to the respective owners.

SK II - Update 1 for 2014

"I need to be alone. I need to ponder my shame and despair in seclusion; I need the sunshine and the paving stones of the streets without companions, without conversation, face to face with myself, with only the music of my heart for company" ~ Henry Miller

Hey readers.

One of my readers just requested my updates on using SK II. Ok, so not to disappoint here goes. I have been using the skincare product for some 3-4 years now and it is the only skincare that I find works for me.

I am a faithful customer of the SKII branch of Subang Parade (next time you're there, ask for Jennifer) because they give me a lot of free stuff when I buy something.

I did tell you in my last post on cosmetics that I was on the hunt for an eye cream. And when I was surveying for a set to use this year. I came across the Revival set.

These days I mainly use the stempower series. These are the products with the red casings.

Now doesn't the box look pretty and Christmassy? Anyways I bought this.

The set came with :-

(i) The skin signature skin redefining masks. I think they were 5 sets of these or something;
(ii) The Essence (big bottle);
(iii) The Stempower Serum (big bottle);
(iv) The Stempower cream (big jar) (I am a loyal user of this); and
(v) The stempower eye cream (big jar) (which i commented as being way too expensive to buy the other day!)

The set I think at the time set me back around RM1100 + which is definitely cheaper than buying each product separately. And the set comes with the eye cream too! *love*

My skin is not perfect. But I think compared to the other products I have tried, SKII has made it reach a stage where I am satisfied with it.

This is how my skin has evolved with SK II. From being dry and flaky and being red most of the time, it looks like this now:-

Hehe, ignore cheeky Airiel and my over puckered lips. He makes my heart all 'kembang' hence this pose. He took this picture just so you know how good he is at capturing moments.

Anyway, hope this post can help you skincare hunters out there make up your mind about what skincare to get.

Have a good week ahead my loves. 

Muslims and Our Relationship with Dogs

"Prejudices, it is well known, are most difficult to eradicate from the heart  whose soil have never been loosened or fertilised by education; they grow there, firm as weeds among stones" ~ Charlotte Bronte

Hello Readers,

I must write this post because I am just annoyed as hell by my brethren muslims here in Malaysia. I see them being cruel to dogs, I see them poking fun at this man who was in a recent article applauded for his acts in keeping and saving stray dogs, belittling him and calling him less of a muslim for doing what he did.

Let me start by saying that I am not a fan of dogs myself, simply because most of them are huge (bigger than I am I might add, but this is just my theory because I do not want to be admitting to certain discriminatory evidence of my real height..but I digress) and I have a horrifying memory of being chased by wild dogs in Sungai Siput when I was a child riding a bike. I remember being so terrified that I left the bike and ran for my life, and eventually climbed up a tree. Errkk.. I love cute ones (small toy dogs they call) and I also love puppies!!

Anyways, back to this issue. For starters, you must understand that different mazhabs of the Islamic faith have different views on which parts of the dog is haram, and this is important because it eventually shapes how our relationships with the dogs are then forged and maintained.

(i) Mazhab Maliki  : This mazhab says that dogs are cool and not najis , which means...wait for it.. NO part of the dog is haram...which means that you can touch dogs, you can let the dogs lick you, and kiss you ...and roll around in the mud with dogs...whatever lah ok;

(ii) Mazhab Syafie (which is Malaysia's chosen mazhab FYI) : Our mazhab is definitely one of the most strict in EVERYTHING and our mazhab says that all of the dog is najis (fur and saliva and all) and is therefore haram for us to touch;

(iii) Mazhab Abu Hanifah : This mazhab is a bit more tolerant and is of the view that only the saliva of the dog is najis but the fur isn't. Get it? That means, you can still touch a wet dog and stuff, but licking and kissing the dog is off limits.

The fatwa of the majmuk has come to the conclusion that the 3rd view is the most correct, because you know why? Because technically and truly,  in the Islam religion, you can't be simply saying that this is haram or that is haram unless there is a dalil that says so. Disagree with me? Why don't you look up Surah Al-An'am, verse 11 and read and try to understand the words.

Now, what does that have to show for declaring the shisha haram I wonder?...  but lets not go there, that is for another post maybe.

Back to the dog issue.

We Malaysians unfortunately, have a habit of being obsessed with our country's chosen mazhab. Now this obsession and blind following of a particular mazhab over another is a subject of heated debate in the ulama' world but somehow or rather, Malaysia has not caught up with that being an issue, or either than that, its just not that widely circulated in the media. Generally, an obsession with particular mazhab is frowned upon. You want to know why? because Islam is supposed to be easy. When a particular precept in a mazhab makes your life difficult, muslims are asked that it find a precept in a mazhab which makes their life easier you know what I mean?

A great example of this is on the issue of whether pregnant ladies who do not fast, are supposed to bayar fidyah sahaja, or bayar fidyah and ganti puasa as well. Our mazhab says, you have to do both. But another mazhab says, no need, just pay your fidyah as you are carrying a miracle, a child! and it is a most stressful experience. So the fatwa of the majmuk says, in conflicting precepts of a particular mazhab, just choose the easiest one for you to follow. Because it is a view of a muslim scholar, and it is not something which  the Al-Quran has specifically mentioned. It is Qiyas..so use your own mind and judgment.

Now, back to the dog issue. I have explained the status of the dogs kan? What about keeping them as pets? This, you must understand is a separate issue to that of touching them.

Understand that there is no verses in the Al-Quran disallowing the keeping of dogs as pets at all. It is silent on the issue. However, there are some hadith (which are essentially the words of the prophet FYI) that would indicate that the main rule is that keeping dogs as pets are frowned upon, but there are exceptions and they are as follows:-

(i) Keeping them as pets to watch over herds of animals;

(ii) Keeping them as pets to watch over your crops; and

(iii) Keeping them as pets for hunting.

Imam Nawawi also has the view that muslims are allowed to keep dogs as pets to stand guard over their houses for safety reasons.

So, what does that tell you readers?

In so far as the uncle who takes in stray dogs and helps them, let me just share with you a story. This is a story which is documented even before prophet Muhammad s.a.w time. Rumour is it happened masa zaman nabi Isa a.s.

Anyways, the woman belonged to the oldest profession in the world (if you know what I mean). For lack of a better word, she was a prostitute. She was thirsty and was on the verge of collapsing when she found a water source. She had managed to take some water for herself, being so weak when she felt a tug from the back of clothes, to find a dog that was thirsty and was asking for the water she was holding. She felt sorry for the dog and gave the water to the dog but in doing so, she had lost all the energy she had left to get some more water for herself and she died. It was said in the story that Allah forgave her for all her sins and she went to heaven because of her act of kindness to the dog.

So shame on the haters and people who judge others without understanding the true precepts of our faith. All good deeds are rewarded, regardless of who it benefits.

Open your mind people, and understand your own faith before going on a blind charade of judgment. You are embarrassing the rest of us.

P.S - The views contained in this article are my personal views and does not allege to represent those of other Muslims of the Islamic Community as a whole. Please read with caution.  

Na Dasi Saranghaji Anheuri....

"Sometimes when I'm alone, I take the pearl from where it lives in my pocket and try to remember the boy with the bread, the strong arms that warded off nightmares in the train, the kisses in the arena" ~ Suzanne Collins

I will never love again...

Hers Club - Groupon Deal

"Evil be he who thinketh Evil" ~ Rebecca Maizel

Hi readers.

I have yet to blog about my recent groupon massage experience.

There was a groupon for a 75 mins Jing Luo massage for RM38 so I decided to try it out. Here is the link.

I asked my partner in crime, Farah Shu to come along.

Now, Jing Luo massage is a deep tissue massage... which means only one thing, it hurts like hell. And hurt like hell it did.

But you know me, when it comes to massages I LOVE pain. 'Give me all the pain' I said to the masseuse. They have a contraption which they use for the massage that is supposed to get to your deep layer tissue or something like that.

But what I find weird is, despite the pain I actually fell fast asleep 15 mins into the massage. I also added on cupping for RM10 which was also a pleasant, painful surprise. What they did after taking all the air out of the cups is spectacular, they actually pulled it across your skin very fast in various motions and let me tell you, it was PAINfully glorious.

I know the word pain, pleasant, spectacular and glorious don't actually go together, but somehow Hers Club has managed to do this, because after massage and  the cupping, my body felt so much lighter. I would do it again, definitely.

Warning : For those who cannot stand pain, then Jing Luo perhaps is not for you. For hardcore massage enthusiasts like me, it was awesome.

Hers Club

32A-2, Jalan PJU 5/10, 

Dataran Sunway,

Kota Damansara

47810 Petaling Jaya

Selangor Darul Ehsan

11 months...

"As soon as healing takes place, go out and heal somebody else" ~ Maya Angelou

I struggle as I write this.

Too many sad posts in this blog about grief and sadness. And I do not want 2014 to be about that anymore.

But I know some of my readers count on me to share my experiences and it gets them through their days. I remember the man I met who said that the wife reads my blog religiously to cope with the own death of her child.

I must let my pain be known for it to benefit others. And so I shall continue.

But I refuse to believe that pain represents all that is bad. I refuse to believe that it will crush me although on some days it surely feels like it. I refuse to believe that it will consume me although on some days I have to admit that it does.

I know now that all that I went through has made me wiser, has made me accept reality for what it is. What does not kill you, makes you stronger. Cliche but true. I know that I am stronger.

Yesterday marks 11 months since Akif left my life. I tried to keep myself busy, as busy as I can get. But there is that feeling in your gut that just won't go away. It tells me that something very important in my life is not here with me. It tells me that the loss I feel is real. It tells me that I shall be missing someone for the rest of my life. It tells me that I, as a mother has lost a child.

But let me tell you something.Whilst I had tears in my eyes all day. I did not simply burst into tears like previous months. I was able to blink them away. I was able to function. I was able to smile, laugh...I was able to connect with other people.

I survived. I am a survivor.

These days I look at things in a completely different light. I wake up super early for Subuh and watch the sun rise from my room window and I realise how beautiful it is. I go back to bed and wait for Airiel to come and kiss me awake, because its our tradition and I realise how awesome it is. I jog in the morning or at night and realise how much I love the clean air after the rain, and when it rains I actually realise how beautiful the rain is. 

Everything else has so much more meaning. Because there is joy in the little details and little things. Because there are miracles within them. 

Akif was such a miracle, because he only lived within me for 8 months and survived for an hour before passing, and yet I realised he has become such a part of me. Of my beating heart, of my mind, of my soul. The imprints he left in my heart, I will carry forever.

He has made me strong. 

All you mothers out there who have loved and lost. Be with me. We are strong. We can persevere. We can survive. There is no other option before us but surviving.

Our children are waiting for us in a beautiful place, and yes I know because I have seen it in my dreams...

Have a good weekend everyone.