The Turn I Cannot Seem to Make

"There's a moment when love makes you believe in death for the first time. You recognise the ones whose loss, even contemplated, you'll carry forever, like a sleeping child. All grief, anyone's grief... is the weight of a sleeping child..." ~ Anne Micheals

Ever since February, 2nd 2015. I have not been able to go back.

There are days when I go to work or come back from work and I will tell myself  'Today, I'll go visit him. Today I am strong enough...'. And then as I near that fork in the road that would lead to where he is, I just can't seem to go into the junction. 

My brain freezes, my hands sweat, my stomach churns, my vision blurs. My heart...it just breaks. And I drive on. Always looking at that junction from my rear-view mirror as it fades away.

I can't do it. I just can't do it.

And then, I will spend the rest of the day asking myself 'What is wrong with me? I used to be able to do this, easy peasy. It's nothing more than a grave..'. And I will miss him for the rest of  the day. An ache that never dulls.

I was always kidding myself. It never was easy to go there. But these days, it just seems so much harder.

It's like I am damned if I go, and I am damned if I don't.

2 years on and yet the struggle is ever present.

The struggle for sanity. To overcome grief. To function normally.

It is a daily battle. As a mother who has lost a child, it is a daily battle.

I miss him so very much. Some days, more than I can bear it. 

It brings me to my knees, knocks out the strength in me.

Gugur semangatku mengharung dunia.

I will never forget the moment his heart stopped, and mine kept on beating.

 

Weekie - E.City Hotel

"Once you have travelled, the voyage never ends, but is played out over and over again in the quietest chambers. The mind can never break off from the journey..." ~ Pat Conroy

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Ever Merciful...

Hello readers.

One of my weekie updates.

This time around we stayed at a relatively new hotel in.. guess where, USJ 25. Hahaha. Random kan?

 The rooms were modern, cozy and had some of the best pillows I have ever slept on in a hotel. Flat screen tv, nice cozy lighting under floors and side walls and a day bed.

 The rooftop pool. Now I have to say that the management was trying to go all natural in so far as the colouring of the pool tiles were concerned, but because I am used to blue tiles resulting in blueish water for pools, this slightly greenish coloured water put me off a bit. And the kiddy pool was apparently out of order. So airiel was super upset he could not swim that weekend.

Cinta hati hamba...

Pros:-

1. Parking is free at the moment.

2. The E.City Mall is situated right next door so you can take your family shopping. There is more restaurants than there are shopping spots at the moment, but it's still a nice place to hang out.

3. Nice live band on Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays.

4. Mamak (big plus for Airiel's atok);

5. Secure (you can only access the floor your room is on)

Cons :-

1. Kiddy pool was out of order;

2. We were only given once access card (but you can request for another one, but still); and

3. You can only access the floor your room is on and as I was situated on a different floor than the rest of my family entourage, it was difficult for me to go see them. Airiel's bonda had to wait for me at the lobby and we will then go up together (hadoii penat).

Alright readers, until the next update. Please bear with me. Work and Airiel is taking up most of my time at the moment.

Much love from Airiel and I.

Peace and love to everyone.

Fabulous Heejab Boutique - Daisy Jubah

"Sticking with family is what makes it a family" ~ Mitch Alborn

Hello readers,

Sorry for the lack of updates, things have been crazy busy. Like crazy.

Anyways, I took time for a weekie with my family last weekend, and updates regarding that will come later.

But first a query from a fellow instagrammer on my outfit for a family event the other day.

From left: Airiel's Bonda, Nenda, Atok, Maksu and Mama

This was a family member's engagement sometime in March I think.

Anyway, the jubah was the question. Where did I get it she asks?

Got it from Fabulous Heejab Boutique.

It's called the Daisy Jubah I think.

They are also on Instagram although I think their website no longer works. It's a simple jubah with pretty embellishment on the sleeves in the shape of little daisies, hence its name.

Okay. I have to start the week. work awaits.

Much love from Airiel and I.

Peace and love to everyone. 

See You Again

"Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now..?" ~ Douglas Adams

It's been a long day without you my friend

And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again

We've come a long way from we began

I'll tell you all about it when I see you again

Who knew

All the planes we flew

Good things we've been through

That I'd be standing right here talking to you

About another path

I know we love to hit the road and laugh

But something told me that it wouldn't last

Had to switch up

Look at things different

See the bigger picture

Those were the days

Hard work forever pays

Now I see you in a better place

How can we not talk about family

When family is all that we got

Everything I went through

You were standing there by my side

And now you're going to be with me for the last ride

First you both go out your way

And the vibe is feeling strong

And what's small turned to a friendship

A friendship turned into a bond

And that bond will never be broken 

And the love will never get lost

And when brotherhood come first

Then the line will never be crossed

Established it on our own

When that line had to be drawn

And that line is what we reached

So remember me when I'm gone

So let the light guide your way

Hold every memory as you go

And every road you take

Will always lead you home

Home

It's been a long day without you my friend

And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again

We've come a long way from we began

I'll tell you all about it when I see you again

Mama misses you angel Akif.

Umi misses you angel Aisha.

Putting one foot in front of the other now.

Some days are long. Too long.

One day if I ever see you again, I'll tell you all about it.

GST Memes - Because Laughter Makes it All Bearable

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to..."

~ Dorothy Parker

Hello readers.

Shall we celebrate the start of a GST imposed Malaysia today?

What better way than to look at some hilarious memes right?

Because its everywhere....hahaha 

 Cikgu, macam ini pun ada kaaa? Tolak GST naaa markah? Hadoi

 Haha, duit style baru tolak GST ... 

 Hahahahaha, hadoi *jatuh kerusi*

The trending #ReplaceSongNameWithGST. Hadoimakkk, pecah perut baca

Because we can trust our politicians to say the darnest things!! *hadoiii*


Hahahaha. What a way to start the day!!

Have a good week ahead people.

Much love from Airiel and I.

Peace and love to everyone.

*Disclaimer - I neither own the ownership to these pictures or endorse the views contained therein. This was posted in good fun to induce a laugh. #WhySoSerius?