2013

"What do I look like? The Wizard of Oz? You need a brain?

You need a heart? Go ahead, take mine. Take everything I have" ~ Stephanie Meyer

Truth....

Pain.....

Death......

Heartbreak....

Dreams.....Nightmares...

Anger.....

Grief.......

Courage.....

Letting Go.......

Saying Goodbye...........

Forgiving............

May 2014 be a year of healing, of friendship, of family, of heart, of soul....and most importantly...of love.

I wish everybody love.

In the end, let love triumph. For hate is too heavy a burden to bear...

Happy New Year everyone.

Symbols

"And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it; it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of other. And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in..." ~ Haruki Murakami

This year instead of getting the usual handbags that I usually buy, I decided to get something else.

2013 has been a rough year to say the least for me...and somehow I managed to survive it. So I decided to get something to symbolize what matters most in my life.

I decided to get a charm bracelet and so far these are the charms that I have managed to buy:-

This symbolizes me and Airiel and the bond we share. He is my best friend, my son, my companion and the salve to my wounds. He is...my heart and soul

This symbolizes family and the love I have for them. My family has been with me through thick and thin and through all the ups and downs I have been through and I am reminded of how they will always be there for me no matter what when I see this. 

And this charm signifies the most important moment in my life. The moment I became a mother to Airiel and the late Akif. 

I am still looking for the perfect charm to symbolise Akif. And will share it with you readers once I have found them.

I will never take this bracelet off...

Bunga...

Tak usah ditanya
Mengapa ku pilih
Bunga yang mewangi
Terlihat berseri
Yang tak akan nampak di matapun
Berwarni dari lain lain
Segan untuk aku sapa
Walau ada maksud yang ku sembunyi

Pernah ku mencuba terima seadanya
Sayang ia selalu calarkan sudut hatiku
Hingga lelah jiwaku dikecewa
Yang tak mungkin berpaling kembali
Namun ku yakinkan hati Tuhan pasti beri gantinya

Ku mohonkan yang indah padamu
Untuk ku tatap menawar resahku
Kekal aku disitu harungi cinta
Dan aku pohonkan yang baik
Bersantun kata kata tentang cinta
Bicarakan rindu padaku mengharum selamanya

Pernah ku mencuba terima seadanya
Sayang ia selalu calarkan sudut hatiku
Hingga lelah jiwaku dikecewa
Yang tak mungkin berpaling kembali
Namun ku yakinkan hati Tuhan pasti beri gantinya...

Peace..

"If you love someone, tell them today. If you're sorry, don't be ashamed to say it today.

If you're not happy with your life, make a change today. 

Life is short and you may never have the chance again" ~ Idza

Suatu hari nanti, pasti akan bercahaya

Pintu akan terbuka, kita akan bersama

Di situ kita lihat bersinarlah hakikat

Debu jadi permata, hina jadi mulia...

I was visiting Akif the other day and managed to take this picture. I just thought it was beautiful and wanted to share it with my readers.

Have a good week ahead. May Allah bless all of us.

Let the healing begin...may this peace last....

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

"As far as you can avoid it , do not give grief to anyone. Never inflict your rage on another. If you hope for eternal rest, feel the pain yourself; but don't hurt others" ~ Omar Khayyam

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land that I dreamed of once in a lullaby

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true

Someday I'll  wish upon a star
And wake up when the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
High above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Then why of why can't I...

School Holiday Project

Hey readers,

Happy monday. Honestly, my end of the year mood (nak berenti keje bukak spa kind of mood) is here.

Anyways, to keep airiel occupied I have lined up some projects for him to do.

Airiel, aspiring Picasso

Airiel, the tree topper 

 Airiel, the entertainer

Airiel, the companion...

Airiel, marionette maker 

Airiel, mosaic enthusiast..

Pinjaman Allah yg terindah...Alhamdulillah..

Reminiscing

Dearest Akif,

Mama is doing some work at the Dr. Cafe in Citta mall right now. It brings back memories.

Mama used to come here everyday after you were diagnosed in the mornings. Staying at home was unbearable, it made mama think too much. Your brother Airiel was off to school.  Your father had another life, his work somewhere else, Nenda and Bonda off to work. Everybody was gone doing their daily thing...

Mama stopped mama's life for you. The doctors said Mama need to lay easy on the stress triggers in Mama's life for your sake. And work was definitely one of them so Mama did not go to work at all.

Mama would drag mackie, and a novel or the Holy Quran and read it silently, watching the people, the world and time fly by.

The people that work here knows Mama's order by heart, and Mama secretly feels that they might even have a soft spot for mama up to this day, seeing mama so forlorn every morning here for 2 and a half months without fail.

Mama was alone, and yet mama was not. Mama listened and waited for your kicks. Mama spoke to you, cried to you, laughed with you.

And now you are gone, gone to that beautiful place mama would see in mama's dreams. A place mama couldn't enter even in a dream. Mama is always sitting outside. Can mama ever step inside?
Mama hopes to be able to one day. Mama owes you a hug and a kiss.

It is one of the main reasons that keeps mama close to the faith. Mama is scared that if mama is not good enough of a muslim, mama will never get to see you or stay with you. That thought cripples mama with fear and one which mama knows mama cannot bear with if it happens.

Bear with me Akif. One day mama hopes to not feel like mama's heart is breaking into a million pieces when mama thinks of you. Mama hopes to be able to think of you and smile instead of breaking down into heaps of tears. Mama hopes to be able to set the memory of you free, so that mama can also be free of this grief.

One day Akif, one day. But that day is not today...

An Eye for an Eye anyone?

"Like all strong people, she suffered always from a measure of loneliness; she was a marginal outsider, a secret infidel of some sort." ~ Anne Rice

Hi readers,

After all that fuss for an eye creme, I have decided to purchase 2 items for my eyes.

 Garnier brightening eye roll on. RM20 or something like that. Steal, complete steal

Aubrey Eye Cream. RM128 for this bottle.

I shall update you guys on the progress of my eyebags after 4-6 months of using this.

Speaking of eyes, the power for my specs and contact lenses have gone up!! 1000 over weii. I am seriously thinking of consulting a doc about whether I should do lasix.

Will update you guys on that as well. I am like totally legally blind without my specs now. Apa pun tak nampak. Huhu

Ok, have a fun rest of the week.

9 months

"Nothing is unfixable, except the fact that you're gone" ~ Rick Riordan

The chronicles of Akif's journey is here