A wake up call

Yesterday Airiel had a fever..

Nenda was home by lunch..

So was Bonda..

Atuk..memang tak leave the house langsung..sayangkan cucu..

But I was in the office and left around 7.00 which is considered early already..

and only reached home around 8.30

The fact of the matter is this..I am not around Airiel that much..

And Nenda made a remark which kicked me in the gut..

I sat down on a corner of the floor and cried my eyes out..

The gist of what she says was this: -

Airiel is my son, and all he has is his mother. His father is for all intents and purposes is absent from his life..because 1 and 1/2 days on the weekend does not count for anything at all..

And she is right..

What does that make me? I am the mother..but I also need to be the father.. but where the hell am I 12 hours in a day? The office..

I must have my priorities all wrong..that must be the only answer

And Nenda says I need to think about it seriously...because the moments I have lost with Airiel, I can never regain..

Again, she is right..

But the nature of my work is as such, private practice is exhausting..and we have deadlines imposed by the court which we cannot push back..

Explaining this does no one any good... and changes nothing..

I for one, do know how you cannot make up for lost time with someone so pivotal in your life...and once the opportunity is lost..it is lost forever.

I can't be a mother and father at the same time..I think it is too much to be asked of me... it is not a choice I am faced with here. I am out of options. It is a responsibility that I have to shoulder.

So I'll take it on a day to day basis.. and stand the criticisms that anyone throws at me..

I am not a bad mother, and I try my best..and that's all I can do..I hope when Airiel can read, he will read this one day and understand..

"YOU NEVER KNOW HOW STRONG YOU REALLY ARE UNTIL BEING STRONG IS THE ONLY OPTION YOU HAVE"

Airiel, mama loves you.. don't you ever forget that

This is love

This is love indeed..

Blessed I am..

House? haunted? No way!

So I made an FB post a while back about ghostbusters being at my house..

Napi and Muyih was saying how freaky it was and Carol couldn't believe her ears..

Well, might as well purge the story here

Weird things (weirder than fiction yes..) have been happening

Airiel's toys would play on their own.

Blood would suddenly appear on the floor..and not just a small drop of blood....I'm talking about pools of blood here.

Me and my family would hear screaming and then realise there's no one here screaming

I would hear my dad's voice talking with a bunch of people in front of the house.. only to realise that my dad was never at home

Lights, fans, air conditioning would go on and off by itself

The tv's in the house would also switch on and off by itself

My maids have felt like they have been pinched, punched, touched by someone , only there is no one really.

Sigh..so we had the ghostbusters come over..and the problem is temporarily solved..but this has been going on and off again ever since we moved in. I'm not sure if its the house or anything else..

Am i scared? Not really?

Am i annoyed? Absolutely..

A bit worried for the family and my son.

Anybody who knows people who dabble in this kind of thing, please drop a comment.

Any help is welcome

Invite only perhaps?

Sejak memenjak kenkawan (kononnya lah) telah meng' abuse' kan blog ni untuk jadi sumber umpatan mereka ..

Been thinking of making this blog 'invite' only.. humphs..then I know siapa ada access..tahu siapa yg buat 'taik'

Sebenarnya..kedengaran suara sumbang-sumbang umpatan ni dari selatan sana..tak tahulah sebab apa..dekat sgt dgn singapore kot.. sampai terikut perangai 'busuk' diorang..

Eheh..

Sian Aries terpaksa dgr menda mcmni..dia kan dgn malangnya kena keje sana..

Ntahla apa sebenarnya definasi kawan..

I don't think cakap belakang is one of the qualities la tapi..

Do you see that guys? (you know who you are) down south there..

There's a big 'L' on your dahi which stands for "LOSER"

Buzz off..

So..invite only it may be..shall decide in 1 or 2 weeks time.

Feedback from friends who gives a damn are welcome

I don't give a damn

What's this I've been hearing?

Tak baikla baca blog ni pastu umpat-umpat me and my family plak

Dosa tau ..and on the interim terpaksala me n my family amik pahala you all yee?

Hehehe

Frankly, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN

You guys are so screwed up!

Bye!

Iktibar

MasyaAllah..

Bergegar jantung dan seluruh tubuh mendengar berita ttg kawan sekuliah.

Semoga semuanya selamat.

Iktibar untuk diri sendiri dan semua.

Astaghfirullah

Anywhere but here

Aries is down with fever

Aries is in JB

I am in the office

I do not want to be here

I want to be there with him

I am so sick of it all

My newest obsession

Aries was generous enough to get me one of these:-It is my newest obsession.

This is the 'future' guys..

One you go 'apple', you will never look at technology the same way again.

Haha..'cliche' nye..tapi it's totally true..

A friend I truly miss

There is a calender of words of wisdom and thoughts on life given by a friend who was really close to me in law school..

She was indeed a friend in every sense of the word.

This calender has been on my table since my chambering days and almost 3 years later when I have become a full fledged legal practitioner, it remains... as a testament to how much I value her friendship..

She was instrumental in getting me to accept Aries in my life. Indeed, at certain times when Aries could not handle me (I am notoriously difficult , he would agree :-P), Aries would call her for help. I used to think that he had her on speed dial..heheh

I think in some ways, and this applies equally to men and women alike that we tend to put our friends on the backburner when you are in a relationship..deny it all you want but inevitably... it just happens.. you tend to put your partner, spouse e.t.c. first. I am guilty of this as well.

Some friends react by having outbursts to get your attention, but she was not one of those.. when she saw me happy..I think it was enough for her... and she slowly retreated, not wanting to get in the way..

Neither me or Aries have heard from her for almost 4 years... and I get pangs that strikes me at the very centre of my heart at times, when I think of how I have lost the friendship that I so cherished..

Sigh..

Sam, If your somehow stumble upon this blog or post, know that I have not forgotten you or 'us'.

I want to show you my son.

I want to know what is going on in your life.

Lets reconnect.

Last but not least... I am sorry for neglecting our friendship, I am but human.. but one who has realised what she has lost.

Please take care wherever you are.

That calender you gave me, will remain on my table for as long as I am alive.

Hugs & Kisses

Idza