Back to reality

Its back to work..sigh

Dates for the upcoming months are mostly filled up..so probably the only confirmed long leave I will be taking is December of every year..it might seem like a long way away..but time really flies..

I am very happy with my work now..but there is a nagging feeling that eats me up..and that is the fact that Aries is not around. The time when he arrives in front of this doorstep..shouts 'Hunny, I'm home' and then later whispers in my ear 'I'm home for good' is a day that I wait for..I can then say that I am truly happy and contented for only then can I say with conviction... 'yes, my life is indeed complete'.

But reality hits me..and I'm back where I am, alone.

I tell myself fate has a way of working things out, you know..the malays call it takdir. But deep down inside I struggle to believe that something good can come out of a husband who is separated from his family. Call me a pessimist..but I think the more accurate term would be that I am a realist 'instead'. This life of mine is real, this separation is real. This loneliness is real.

I face the bare facts...and I face it hard. The facts are never kind, they are what they are.

I am rambling here..I should stop. I know I will feel better tomorrow, when things get busy, you hardly remember what it is in life that pains you the most. But faked temporary amnesia is not a cure... and I won't pretend that it is.

I shall smile instead.

Makes sense?

It is not supposed to.

Goodnight