Mother Pours Boiling Water on 6 Year Old Child - Yes B*&^# you must be going to HELL

"All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the print of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair..." ~ Mitch Alborn

Warning : Ini adalah post EMO. 

That is my FB rant this morning.

And I am far from done. When I read the news this morning, my heart just froze with fear. And anger. And grief. 

I cannot read any kind of news that involves child casualties these days. It will just make me cry and will most definitely ruin the rest of my day, or week, or for how long I don't know.

What makes it worse in this case is that the perpetrator is either the birth mother or the step mother. The word 'MOTHER' seems almost inappropriate here. The rest of my comments summarises exactly how I feel.

This kind of news strikes me at the heart because it is also my greatest fear. As a single mom, not only do I have the fear of being burned again if I ever get into another relationship/marriage, my greatest phobia is how it would affect Airiel.

When I became single, I made a promise to myself to never do 2 things ever again:-

1. Cry in front of my son unless they were tears of happiness; and

2. To be so selfish as to let the interests of someone else (mine included) before him and I promised that I would always protect him.

Maintaining an amicable relationship with Airiel's father is also a priority to me because we will always be his parents, and that must come first before anything else to me. Yg dah lepas tu lepaslah, nak marah lama lama buat apo? Cepat tua deyy... 

Reading news like this just makes me so angry.

I hope these irresponsible and cruel parents will hang for their crime. And rot in hell as well because there must be a special place in hell somewhere for a mother/stepmom/father/stepfather/parent who abuses a child who cannot defend themselves, or those parents who just stand by and watch while their spouses abuses their child.

May Allah bless you little angel boy Mohammad Akhil Mustaqim Rashidy. You will be forever 6. Have fun playing up there with my angel Akif and Aisha.

Much love from me and Airiel.

Peace and love to everyone, except the parents of this angel boy. They should have no peace, or love. Let the ghosts of their sins haunt them till their dying day.

EPIC Kangkung Memes

"Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to Government, when it deserves it" ~ Mark Twain

Hello readers,

I am sure all my readers know about the recent kangkung fiasco issue that has gone viral. I just have to share with you these memes that made me laugh so hard, I just fell off my chair.

 

 The 'Let's Eat Kangkung for breakfast, lunch and dinner' one

Kangkung Man anyone? hahaha 

Burger King jadik Burger Kangkung hadoiii 

The 'I'm a Kangkung Supplier' meme hahaha 

Hahahaha

Keep Calm and eat the damned Kangkung hahaha 

Kangkung the movie meme 

Hahaha 

Gelak terguling hahahaha 

LOL 

Proton Kangkung haha so epic 

hahaha, apakah?? haha

This is just way TOO funny!! 

 Hahaha, bayar tol pakai kangkung

Kangkung Wikipedia...

And last but not least

Kangkung Tol Rates!!!

Hahaha, this is just so EPIC and too funny!!!

Apakah ini? 

Have a good remainder of the week people.

Disclaimer : I do not own these pictures and the rights to them belongs to the respective owners.

Muslims and Our Relationship with Dogs

"Prejudices, it is well known, are most difficult to eradicate from the heart  whose soil have never been loosened or fertilised by education; they grow there, firm as weeds among stones" ~ Charlotte Bronte

Hello Readers,

I must write this post because I am just annoyed as hell by my brethren muslims here in Malaysia. I see them being cruel to dogs, I see them poking fun at this man who was in a recent article applauded for his acts in keeping and saving stray dogs, belittling him and calling him less of a muslim for doing what he did.

Let me start by saying that I am not a fan of dogs myself, simply because most of them are huge (bigger than I am I might add, but this is just my theory because I do not want to be admitting to certain discriminatory evidence of my real height..but I digress) and I have a horrifying memory of being chased by wild dogs in Sungai Siput when I was a child riding a bike. I remember being so terrified that I left the bike and ran for my life, and eventually climbed up a tree. Errkk.. I love cute ones (small toy dogs they call) and I also love puppies!!

Anyways, back to this issue. For starters, you must understand that different mazhabs of the Islamic faith have different views on which parts of the dog is haram, and this is important because it eventually shapes how our relationships with the dogs are then forged and maintained.

(i) Mazhab Maliki  : This mazhab says that dogs are cool and not najis , which means...wait for it.. NO part of the dog is haram...which means that you can touch dogs, you can let the dogs lick you, and kiss you ...and roll around in the mud with dogs...whatever lah ok;

(ii) Mazhab Syafie (which is Malaysia's chosen mazhab FYI) : Our mazhab is definitely one of the most strict in EVERYTHING and our mazhab says that all of the dog is najis (fur and saliva and all) and is therefore haram for us to touch;

(iii) Mazhab Abu Hanifah : This mazhab is a bit more tolerant and is of the view that only the saliva of the dog is najis but the fur isn't. Get it? That means, you can still touch a wet dog and stuff, but licking and kissing the dog is off limits.

The fatwa of the majmuk has come to the conclusion that the 3rd view is the most correct, because you know why? Because technically and truly,  in the Islam religion, you can't be simply saying that this is haram or that is haram unless there is a dalil that says so. Disagree with me? Why don't you look up Surah Al-An'am, verse 11 and read and try to understand the words.

Now, what does that have to show for declaring the shisha haram I wonder?...  but lets not go there, that is for another post maybe.

Back to the dog issue.

We Malaysians unfortunately, have a habit of being obsessed with our country's chosen mazhab. Now this obsession and blind following of a particular mazhab over another is a subject of heated debate in the ulama' world but somehow or rather, Malaysia has not caught up with that being an issue, or either than that, its just not that widely circulated in the media. Generally, an obsession with particular mazhab is frowned upon. You want to know why? because Islam is supposed to be easy. When a particular precept in a mazhab makes your life difficult, muslims are asked that it find a precept in a mazhab which makes their life easier you know what I mean?

A great example of this is on the issue of whether pregnant ladies who do not fast, are supposed to bayar fidyah sahaja, or bayar fidyah and ganti puasa as well. Our mazhab says, you have to do both. But another mazhab says, no need, just pay your fidyah as you are carrying a miracle, a child! and it is a most stressful experience. So the fatwa of the majmuk says, in conflicting precepts of a particular mazhab, just choose the easiest one for you to follow. Because it is a view of a muslim scholar, and it is not something which  the Al-Quran has specifically mentioned. It is Qiyas..so use your own mind and judgment.

Now, back to the dog issue. I have explained the status of the dogs kan? What about keeping them as pets? This, you must understand is a separate issue to that of touching them.

Understand that there is no verses in the Al-Quran disallowing the keeping of dogs as pets at all. It is silent on the issue. However, there are some hadith (which are essentially the words of the prophet FYI) that would indicate that the main rule is that keeping dogs as pets are frowned upon, but there are exceptions and they are as follows:-

(i) Keeping them as pets to watch over herds of animals;

(ii) Keeping them as pets to watch over your crops; and

(iii) Keeping them as pets for hunting.

Imam Nawawi also has the view that muslims are allowed to keep dogs as pets to stand guard over their houses for safety reasons.

So, what does that tell you readers?

In so far as the uncle who takes in stray dogs and helps them, let me just share with you a story. This is a story which is documented even before prophet Muhammad s.a.w time. Rumour is it happened masa zaman nabi Isa a.s.

Anyways, the woman belonged to the oldest profession in the world (if you know what I mean). For lack of a better word, she was a prostitute. She was thirsty and was on the verge of collapsing when she found a water source. She had managed to take some water for herself, being so weak when she felt a tug from the back of clothes, to find a dog that was thirsty and was asking for the water she was holding. She felt sorry for the dog and gave the water to the dog but in doing so, she had lost all the energy she had left to get some more water for herself and she died. It was said in the story that Allah forgave her for all her sins and she went to heaven because of her act of kindness to the dog.

So shame on the haters and people who judge others without understanding the true precepts of our faith. All good deeds are rewarded, regardless of who it benefits.

Open your mind people, and understand your own faith before going on a blind charade of judgment. You are embarrassing the rest of us.

P.S - The views contained in this article are my personal views and does not allege to represent those of other Muslims of the Islamic Community as a whole. Please read with caution.  

Berpoligami cara Nabi - Facts you MUST know

Hello readers,

Following the posting on Dayana's poem to Ashraff, the husband who cheated on her (Yes, he did..let's call a spade a spade ok?), some of my readers have asked me to share my knowledge of some of the misconceptions surrounding polygamy practised by our beloved prophet s.a.w.

What I am about to share are simply facts, which I have learned throughout my tenure in Sekolah Agama in my secondary school, and is not meant to offend anybody. I must state though that the understanding of the Malay society and men mostly (ustaz-ustaz di luar sana not excluded) are very male biased, and rarely touches on how faithful our prophet was to his 1st wife, but instead focuses on how polygamy is allowed and just that, not explaining the problems that the prophet faced throughout his life due to his polygamous marriages.

To read the yourself, find the books Rahiqul Makhtum and Sirah Sahabiyah.

Misconception 1 - The prophet was always a polygamous man

This is simply untrue. The prophet remained monogamous to his 1st wife, Khadijah r.a. for 25 years of his life, until the day his 1st wife passed away. So faithful was he that he did not even take on a female slave as you could have sexual relations with your slave at the time.

He grieved for a long time thereafter before he married Saudah and Aisyah at pretty much the same time but lived with Saudah as Aisyah was very young at the time of the marriage.

Even after he married the rest of his wives, he reminisced and missed his monogamous happy times he had with the late Khadijah, so much so that he caused immense jealousy among his other wives, particularly Aisyah.

He was only in a polygamous marriage for the last remaining 10 years of his life.

Misconception 2 - His wives has no problems with the prophet practising polygamy

This is of course untrue, but like I said, rarely brought up or taught to the men in our society. The story often stops at the prophet practising polygamy and as such, you can too. But the problems the prophet had throughout his polygamous marriages are often not highlighted to show and/or demonstrate to the men that it is no walk in the park and involves heavy responsibility and often induces conflict and disharmony.

Example 1 - The prophet was at the time married to both Saudah and Aisyah. He was so fearful of not being able to be fair to both, that he wanted to divorce Saudah as he knew in his heart he loved Aisyah more. It was only after Saudah agreed to give away her 'giliran bermalam' to Aisyah did he relent and not proceed with the divorce.

Example 2 - It was said by Anas that at one time, Aisyah and Zainab (the prophet's 4th wife) was heard arguing at the top of their voices. So loud was  their argument, that Abu Bakar who was walking pass, could hear their fight. Abu Bakar was so incensed that he called out to the prophet to come outside the house and pour soil into their mouths (figure of speech you understand - basically what he meant was he wanted the prophet to stop the argument) to which Aisyah answered that the prophet was praying, and so Abu Bakar (Aisyah's father) ended up scolding Aisyah saying 'Why are you doing this?'

Example 3 - So jealous was Aisyah of Zainab that at one point of time Zainab went to visit to Aisyah's house. At that time, there was no fire lighting Aisyah's house and the prophet held Zainab's hand by accident to which Aisyah screamed and scolded the prophet saying 'that is Zainab!' until he withdrew his hand.

Example 4 - So jealous of Zainab was Aisyah that at one time, she planned a plot with Hafsah (the prophet's 3rd wife). The plot involved every other wife saying to the prophet everytime he met them after seeing Zainab that the prophet's mouth smelled bad and asking what he ate to make his mouth smell so bad, to which he said, 'I have just been to Zainab's house and drank some honey, and I will not drink honey made by her again'. This was a ploy to get the prophet to disfavour Zainab. This plot was the reason the phrases 1-4 in Surah At-Tahrim was send down by Allah swt to expose the plot.

Example 5 - Aisyah would often get angry with the prophet out her jealousy. So much so that everytime she is angry with the prophet she couldnt even bring herself to say his name. She would instead say 'No, in the name of God of Ibrahim!' as opposed to when she is not angry, to which she would say 'In the name of God of Muhammad!'

Example 6 - Aisyah would also known to have exclaimed and said in sadness in one of her bouts of jealousy when the prophet married another wife the following while putting her feet in daun idzkir (which is a thorny plant) 'Ya Allah, please set forth the snakes and scorpions to beset me. Your prophet, I know not what he is doing and I am powerless to do anything'.

Example 7 - Aisyah has also been known to make fun of Hafsah and Shafiyah (the prophet's 9th wife counting in Khadijah) in front of the prophet

Example 8 - Hafsah is known to be in cohorts or at odds with Aisyah to compete for the prophet's affection. Her biggest mistake was to expose one of the prophet's secret (which was told to only her) to Aisyah because she was so jealous of the prophet's affection to Mariyah (the prophet's 10th wife including in Khadijah) . This resulted in her being divorced with 1 talak.

Example 9 - Zainab binti Jahsy (the prophet's 7th wife including in Khadijah) is the only wife married to the prophet by Allah through 7 layers of the sky. Aisyah was so very jealous of. Anas said that this fact was something that Zainab loved to boast about to the other wives. She liked to make fun and/or offend Shafiyah (as Shafiyah was the daughter of a Jewish man), so much so that she evoked the anger of the prophet for a long time.

Example 10 - Aisyah was so jealous of Juwairiyah (the prophet's 8th wife including Khadijah). that she said [See Hadis Sahih Muslim, hadis Urwah from Aisyah] 'By Allah, I hated her from the moment I saw her from my door'.

Example 11 - The biggest conflict of all arose when Mariyah gave birth to Ibrahim, which evoked extreme jealousy from the rest of his wives as he had no children with them. Mariyah was also very beautiful and this made things worse. So bad was the conflict and jealousy between his wives that it caused extreme stress to the prophet. So much so that he isolated himself from ALL his wives for a month. He isolated himself in a small room and became extremely emaciated and considered divorcing all his wives. He was only persuaded by Umar to calm down and rethink his position 29 days later.

There are just so many instances I cannot list them all down. Make no mistake that this is not meant to embarrass the respected wives of the prophet or the prophet. They were pious women, that had their good sides which cannot be disputed and have all been blessed by Allah swt. and was respected and loved by the prophet. These facts exist to show that no matter how gentle a woman is or pious a woman is, she is a woman nevertheless and there will be jealousy and extreme conflict arising every so often in polygamous marriages.


Misconception 3 - His children with Khadijah had no problems with their stepmothers

Again, this is untrue. The children the prophet had with Khadijah (all the children he has are from his marriage to Khadijah save for one) grew up in a peaceful conducive environment as the prophet never married another throughout his marriage with Khadijah.

It was said by Aisyah herself that once, the prophet entered her house to find her crying and so she asked Aisyah why? Whereupon Aisyah answered 'Fatimah insulted me' and so the prophet took steps to patch the relationship and ease the fight.


How now?
How many men in our society know these facts I wonder? They should be forwarned before thinking about 'nak seronok' je boleh berjimak dengan ramai wanita if you know what I mean. And I think what Ashraf Muslim did was totally unislamic, he kept his 2nd marriage a secret. The prophet never kept any of his marriages secret.

Alright readers, I hope those who pm me are satisfied with what little info I can provide.

Have a good weekend ahead.

Losing a child - How insensitive can society be towards us mothers?

"Death doesn't just take someone, it misses someone else, and in the small distance between 

being taken and being missed, lives are changed" ~ Mitch Alborn

It has taken me a while to write about this. I wanted to wait until I was less upset and until I calmed down. When I was in court the other day, I bumped into my junior (well I think she is my junior because her face was vaguely familiar and I have seen her masa my LLB Hons days).

Mind you, I wasn't close to her at all. Definitely not close enough to be friends, or even as a facebook friend. I couldn't even remember her name. She looked at me and screamed out on the 5th floor lobby of the Kuala Lumpur Duta Court "OMG, I heard you miscarried, so kesian!!!"

It was like it was the most normal way of greeting a person you rarely see and barely know and who have been through HELL and back these past few months. In public, loudly, in full view and hearing of everyone. Naturally I just froze, and began to get visibly upset. EVERYONE and I mean everyone went quiet.

After I managed a pissed off retort to which she replied rather rudely to me, I just did not see the point in responding and walked off to run off to the ladies to stop myself from bursting into tears in full view of my other brethren on the 5th floor lobby.

What is wrong with these kind of people? I don't understand. Can't she just ask quietly if she was so curious? Why does those kind of words have to come out of anybody's mouth?

And one word in that sentence pissed me off beyond measure. She said (or screamed out rather) that I 'miscarried'.

I did not miscarry. Does people know what miscarriage means at all? Or what it is that happened to Akif? Let me enlighten these people:-

Miscarriage :- Spontaneous end of a pregnancy at a stage where the embryo or fetus is incapable of surviving independently and is the most common complication of early pregnancy;

Stillbirth : - Occurs when a fetus had died in the uterus. Most stillbirths occur in full term pregnancies;

Neonatal Death : - Death of a baby born alive within first 7 days of life.

What I experienced was a neonatal death, Akif meninggal tidak lama selepas dilahirkan. He was 8 months, almost full term. I did not miscarry.

Faham tak?

Somehow people think that if it is a miscarriage, it is normal for a mother, so you are supposed to get over it quicker or something.

Then they say something utterly stupid like 'buatlah anak baru'. I mean what the heck does that mean? Like my child was a pen or a bag which I lost, that I can replace just like that? No one child will be the same as another. That kind of statement does not make me feel better at all.

And then she said something else in her response to my retort. She said 'get over it'. Don't you think I would like to be over it? Don't you think that I do not wake up everyday wishing that I do not feel like a black hole exists in my heart which only Akif can fill? Don't you think I would want to go about in a day and not feel like a knife is stabbing my heart everytime I see another mother holding, hugging and kissing their baby? Don't you think that I want to be over all that? Do you think I purposely want to feel that way?

And I hate it when people say this to me, and yes there have been people who have said it to me time and time again. 'Janganlah bersedih, bersedih itu tandanya tak boleh terima takdir tuhan'. Is that really what grief is all about? Is it really about me not being able to accept that Akif is dead, buried and gone? I am at peace with the fact that little Akif is gone. That he is waiting for me in heaven. That he misses me as much as I miss him. That he wants to hug me as much as I want to hug him. That he wants to smother me with kisses as much as I want to smother him with mine.

I know he is in a better place. I am glad he did not have to suffer. But my grief does not come from the fact that he is gone...unlike so many people think or presume...my grief comes from the fact that I miss him so very very much and there is nothing I can do to make that go away. Have you ever gone outstation and left your kids behind? Do you have sleepless nights thinking about them wishing you could kiss them goodnight but you can't because you're so far away? That is what I feel, every day about Akif.

And I am struck by fear sometimes, so much fear that it cripples me. I am afraid that if I am not being the best muslim I could be, I will not be able to meet him on the other side. Call me crazy but that is how I feel. I am afraid that Akif is in heaven and that I will go to hell and I will not have a chance to meet him. Or be with him or make up for the time that I have lost since he is not here with me in my lifetime.

This is the truth of the matter.

I just wish people can be supportive for the sake of being supportive. I just wish people can treat me normally instead of giving my sympathy looks. I just wish people can leave me alone in my grief.

This is my burden to bear and I will bear with it in my own way. 

Name Dropping

"Ada teratak di hujung kampung, bawah cermin kopak ada kotak

Tersembunyi dalamnya ada tempurung, sembunyi bawahnya katak melalak"

Those who know me from high school would know that that's were I became antisocial. Those who know me from my uni days would know that I was antisocial then. I rarely spoke and was walking around with my headphones everywhere. Those who know me now would know that I am STILL antisocial and yes I still do walk around with earphones everywhere.

I rarely attend events of high school mates or unimates and even at work unless it is absolutely compulsory (and even then, my colleagues drag me to it), because I just get uncomfortable at these kind of things. If my mates (be it high school, uni or work) want to tell me things, I listen. If they want to ask for my help, I go out of my way to do it. If they ask for my advice, I will give it and you can bet that they are going to hear what they NEED to hear as opposed to what they want to hear. Because you know what? That is what FRIENDS do. There should be no other reason.

I was so darned furious when someone told me I had a twitter account, because you  know what, I don't have one. I hate twitter, I hate instagram (no offence to whoever who swears by it, this is just me being antisocial) and I literally fell of my chair when a friend suggested I go on keek (yes there is such a thing) because I thought she was swearing at me.

This blog and FB is a place where I can share with my readers about where to eat, where to shop, where to find support groups for worthy causes (like Palestine) and support groups for diseases like Akif's hydrops. It's where I vent. It keeps me sane. It is perhaps the only place where I can truly speak without speaking (get my drift?). Because I love writing. Its a passion, its an obsession. It makes me happy. It gives me perspective. When I read back the posts I wrote, I remember how I was, how things were. It is to make me always remember who I am.

I do not appreciate it when my unimates, workmates, high school mates or total strangers drop my name around and spread stories that are just untrue about me. I mean, what the heck? I am sort of used to my relatives doing it yeah, but let's not go there shall we?

I am not a damned celebrity, or a socialite and it boggles my mind that anybody would want to talk about me, much less claim to know details of my life.

Please people, we are not in high school anymore, we are not in university anymore. We are in our thirties and have families. Stop acting like children. Stop talking about people or things you do not understand. If you got nothing nice or true to say, then SHUT UP. If you have something to say about ME, then you might as well say it to my face and see how I respond. Henti-hentikanlah boleh?

And if you hear something from someone who heard it from someone who heard it from someone else, you know what that is called? Its called a RUMOUR...chances of it being accurate are what? ZERO. Do you really believe everything you hear?

Perangai org Melayu yg takde keje lain sungguh. And you wonder why I choose to work here. The less Malays the better (pun intended). Mulut mcm haram.

Seperti kata aku semalam, aku tak kisah. Banyak pahala aku. Ignore aje. But you can be sure as hell that I don't take crap lying down ok? Hence this post.

Women in Islam - Did You Know?

Hello everyone,

Have you heard about Malala Yousufzai and how she was shot by the Taliban because she was campaigning for women's education over on that side of the world? Nak pergi sekolah pun jadi isu ke org org puak Taliban ni?

Does it not infuriate you that in some places in this world, society uses religion, and Islam in particular to justify their own tribal/racial/cultural practices which oppresses women? And does it infuriate you even more to know that people have associated these practices to be one and the same/synonymous with Islam?

Do you want to know the true position and regard that Islam and our prophet s.a.w had for women? Lets go through the list of 'DO YOU KNOW?' for the day shall we?:-

1. You thought that the 1st movement for women was started by English ladies via the suffragettes? Did you know that the 1st women's group was started by a woman called Asma' Yazid Ansariyah during the prophet's time, thousands of years before the suffragettes existed? She was appointed to speak for the rights of women in Madinah during the prophet's rule and would often give her opinion in matters concerning and affecting women which the prophet would consider and listen to. In fact, the prophet was so conscious of women and their rights that he would allocate certain days out of the month just listening to issues plaguing and surrounding women.

2. You think Florence Nightingale was the first women who formed a nursing school and went around at night comforting men of war? Do you know that the first hospital and nursing school was actually formed by a woman named Rufaydah Al-Aslamiyah during the prophet's rule, thousand of years before the western world came out with such an idea? She was a medical doctor, a nurse and a renowned social worker, she taught other women of her time medical procedures and how to tend to men during the wars fought and defended by the prophet. The prophet in his recognition of her services actually set aside a portion of the proceeds of a particular war, perang khaibar if i'm not mistaken for the hospital and nursing school she had built?

3. You think it was the Western world who first afforded rights to women to join the military and fight in wars? Then you must have not heard of the 'Black Rider' have you? She was a female warrior who joined the men in wars for Islam. Her name was Khaulah Azur. Have you not heard of Nusaibah Kaab and how she fought alongside (not behind, beside ok?) the prophet, braver and fiercer than any man and protected him from injury until she was injured in 12 places herself, much to the alarm of the prophet who asked Nusaibah's son to come to her aid, which she of course just dismissed? Have you heard of Ummu Haram Milhan? She joined the Islamic navy force thousands of years before the Western world even half recognised the rights of women to fight!

4. Did you know the prophet had a personal assistant that was female? Her name was Laila Ghafariyah? She also joined him in wars and was a stand in nurse for the injured.

5. You know Imam Al-Bukhari, the famous perawi hadith sahih which hadith is often showcased on TV during prayer times tu . Well, did you know that his most famous and prolific teacher was a woman? Her name was Fatima Ibrahim Ibni Jowhar. She was the most famous teacher of hadith of her time and even had a teaching slot in Masjid Nabawi. People came from far and wide to hear her. Men, women and children, caliphs from all parts of the muslim world came to learn from her. Apa ada hal?

6. Who said Islam disallows having females learned in law? You obviously have not heard of Amrah Abdul Rahman, a renowned expert in law during her time and was even considered to be equal to the position of mufti's back in the day, so revered she was. Judges in islamic law back in the day consulted her and even retracted their sentences upon hearing her opinion as compiled case laws were not yet undertaken at the time. She had it all in her mind, this woman! MasyaAllah!

7. You think women these days have gone leaps and bounds in getting equality konon kan? Did you know that educated women back in the glory days of Islam even scolded caliphs when they did something wrong? Which would be our equivalent to the President these days? You obviously have not heard of Ummu Darda kan? She was a renowed teacher, hadith extraordinaire and was an ulama'.  She taught at Baitul Maqdis and another place (which is escaping my mind at the moment. Serius tak ingat). Anyways, she was the teacher to Khalifah Abdul Malik Al-Marwan. So beloved and respected was she by the khalifah that he would ensure that he personally came to take her home after her teaching sessions when she was too old to go home herself. And yes, she once scolded him for scolding a palace official because the servant was late in coming to him when he called.

8. Lets not even go in detail about Aisyah r.a. and how knowledgeable she was in fiqh, hadith and law. Did you know that after the prophet's death, she became the reference point and taught men, women and children alike about the Quran, fiqh, hadith and law as contained in the Quran?

So, what the hell are these Ta*iban peopl are doing, restricting a woman's right to an education man! The prophet encouraged, admired and advocated for the education of women! How can these people call themselves fighters of Islam? It is clear that they are just influenced by their tribal practices in oppressing women as opposed to really understanding what Islam advocates.

Remember my female readers, during the prophet's time and during the glory days of Islam, we women were MORE than equals, we were SPECIAL. We were educated, we were pioneers, we were movers and shakers and were never defined and/or restricted by our gender. We women were liberated long before the Western world ever grasped or understood the concept.

Do not let anybody tell you otherwise. When a chauvinistic man tells me what they think they know about the position of women in Islam is, I just grin...because you know what? I know BETTER.

You're a very brave girl Malala, may Allah s.w.t lead the way for your fight. And show these people what true Islam really is all about.

Have a good rest of the week everybody.

Islam itu Indah...who are YOU to say otherwise?

Facebook is starting to infuriate me.

Ok, part of it has to do with being timelined but more than that I find that some people in my circle have become more and more annoying over the years. More recently being org-org yang suka buat statement memperlekehkan ilmu agama and ulama' which I find completely unacceptable.

I grew up overseas and have been enrolled in schools under churches, I have sung Christmas hymns during Christmas for as long as I can remember back then, I have read the Bible (both the Catholic and Protestant versions) and the Torah as well.

Being in this kind of environment made me long to understand the roots of my own religion of which I was not exposed to as a child. So when I returned to Malaysia, I, of my own volition enrolled in a religious school. There were definite pros and cons to this of course, and I would be lying if I state that I wholly liked the environment. I didn't.

I honestly hated the 'I am better that 90% of other muslims out there because I am in here' attitude, I did not understand the perception that girls who wore tudung labuh was better than the girls yang pakai tudung bawal, I hated the fact that people treated me as an outcast for the longest time because I spoke English with a Birmingham accent. I hated the fact that being friends with guys or even speaking to them was considered a huge 'faux pas' which resulted in you being an outcast even more and I hated the fact schools like this have an Arab culture and the tendency to exists in tribes, you know....group ini dan group itu.

But let me tell you something, it was there I discovered the absolute beauty of Islam, the religion that I was fortunate enough to be born into. I learned the concepts  of the oneness of Allah swt, the reasoning behind Allah swt 99 individual names in Tauhid, the reasoning behind every hukum conceivable applicable in our daily life in Fiqah, the history of Islamic development and growth in great detail in Sirah.

I learned the reasoning and the beauty of reading the Quran with the correct tajwid and pronounciation and how the meaning of the words and verses can dramatically change if you fail to pronouce or make use of the tajwid properly.

I learned the history and the reasoning behind the banning of alcohol, eating non-halal food, the rationale of women being asked to cover their aurat and the beauty and freedom that it affords women in that. I learned exceptions to the general rules and hukum in Islam and learned that my religion is one that is full of mercy, understanding and kelonggaran to those who profess it.

I learned and got to know the greatest Islamic teachers who taught me that I know are a dying breed. These are people who spent their entire lives learning just one subject in the very many facets of our religion, and by understanding that, I developed a newfound respect for ahli and ilmuan agama. Credit has to be given when it is due, and respect needs to be afforded to people who know their craft.

You think you can learn all there is to know about Islam by getting a taking a one year fastrack course or diploma in syariah? Dah alim ke bajet? You think you can pose controversial questions on facebook regarding fundamental concepts of religion and copy and paste an answer from the first website you googled when I ask you for an explanation? Accusing pakar ilmu agama and alim ulama' as being stuck in the 60s because they only concentrate on the issues of aurat is not funny and would showcase only one thing, IGNORANCE.

Do all of you know that the alim ulama' of the world has issued fatwas from everything that ranges from DNA testing, to having pork gelatin capsules in medication, to IVF for couples struggling to conceive, to women competing in sports events? Do not confuse cultural boundaries and stigma with religion, which most of us make the mistake of making, like how our Melayu culture states that it is a women's responsibility to do housework and when Islam has clearly stated that it is NOT.

I mean, the extent of the ignorance is just appalling. If you know you are ignorant of the precepts of your religion and tak berapa pandai, please go ask someone who knows and by that I DO NOT mean by typing for an answer in GOOGLE.

Some of my friends blame their parents of all people  "tapikan mak bapak I tak pernah emphasize belajar agama kat I". Haiyoo, umur pun dah 30, silalah pergi sendiri kuliah di masjid ke hape. If you malas sgt, pergilah tgk video-video kuliah ustaz ustaz dan alim ulama' di Youtube (nape, ingat takde ke? Org agama pun dah tech savvy ok?). No need to blame your parents lah.

People who think Islam is stifling and outdated clearly do not understand the precepts and reasoning behind it and take a narrow view of its kesyumulan. And for God's sake please do not use the term 'I am a liberal islamist' to justify your drinking of alcohol, engaging in pre-marital sex our sex outside of marriage or whatever it is the hell that you want to justify. That's just really you being ignorant again, or being in denial because you want to justify to yourself or whoever you may think is going to judge you that you are a good person. Good person you may be, but being a good muslim is something different altogether. That is your problem.

But seriously stop trying to make yourself feel better by mengutuk ulama' and your own religion and making it public on facebook like it is some badge of honour. Guess what? It  is NOT and it DOESN'T. There is nothing to be proud of when you are ignorant of the one most single fundamental presence and/or influence in your life and that is your faith. I find it strange how it is people who are born into Islam these days are the ones who tend to move away from it, whilst other people struggle to convert and to be born again into Islam and are alienated by their families, community for doing so and nevertheless push forward and do it. Sesungguhnya kita adalah org yang tidak tahu bersyukur.

I always feel obligated to explain what I have learned when I see statements like these on facebook because the prophet s.a.w. (may he be blessed) always said that I should propagate his teachings, be it to a single soul, tetapi org org mcmni, bila kita tegur tak kiralah cara baik ke, mulalah melenting and panggil kita ni perasan alim pastu start cakap pasal azazeel and what not, haiyooo...don't let me even get started on how fundamentally wrong some people can be on this.

Adoiii, well sorry for trying to do you a favour dude, you can then continue being an ignorant ass. So to make myself not feel obligated, I'm gonna just deactivate facebook for a while.

I am proud to be a Muslim, I am proud to be trying to be the best Muslim I can be everyday. I am proud to try and adhere to its principles and to refrain from doing what it has prohibited and unlike the Western world who believes in the burden and glory of freedom as JFK would put it, I thank Allah swt everyday that I am not faced with that burden, for my life is not mine to keep and to live as I please. My life, my possessions and my beloved is borrowed by the Almighty to me and to the Almighty shall it return. With that understanding, I shall try to live my life to the best of my ability in the way the Almighty has decreed in the Quran, by the sunnah of the prophet s.a.w. and by the knowledge of those who endeavour to learn and appreciate its beauty.

People who say otherwise can go sod it.

Have a good long weekend ahead.

What makes THEM so special?

Forgive a preggy lady for being so grumpy during Ramadhan but I have just had about enough of people who thinks that they are better than everyone else.

I was stuck in a traffic jam on the way home today. Like the rest of the working population in KL who was rushing off home to cook, buy and prepare stuff for their family to berbuka puasa.

In typical Malaysian fashion, a minister's car with police escort forced this sea of cars stuck in a jam to make way for his entourage. While it has always annoyed me when this happens, I was especially enraged that such a wanton display of power or abuse of it, rather could take place during Ramadhan.

I do have friends who defend these kind of displays by saying 'Oh, but they're not like US, they're SPECIAL'. And so i ask them 'in what way are they SPECIAL?'. And they would say 'they are ministers, so their are special lah' and I am like 'Excuse me? have you been brainwashed during some alien programme which took place on the moon or something?'

To me, yes so you are a Minister. It means my VOTE as a citizen (oh sorry maybe not my vote since i don't vote) put you and your party there. Your salary comes from MY tax money and MY tax money also pays for your stupid entourage. And yes, while you may have more work than I do in running a government department, it is called a RESPONSIBILITY and definitely not a privilege. Besides, you yg nak sangat jadi menteri, you pikullah tanggungjawab tu.

Can you imagine what kind of talents and resources we are wasting by asking a bunch of cops to guard one single person who nobody would even bother spitting on? Shouldn't their expertise be better used battling crime? All these attacks and kidnapping at all these malls, hah, hantarlah polis kat situ, yang nak dok sibuk suruh orang bagi jalan for one single person for what?

So what makes THEM special?

I understand why it is so hard for this country to battle corruption and battle people trying to bend the laws to make their life easier. You want to know WHY? Because our leaders demonstrate blatantly that they can disregard the law completely. It is simple things like this, cutting corners and getting cops to intimidate other road users so that they can pass through in complete ignorance of all the traffic laws we have. This is the example they are setting for the rest of their citizens.

It is shameful and pathetic.

I curse you minister. Aku claim balik masa akhirat nanti sbb polis naik motor nyaris langgar kereta aku and instead of an hour, it took me almost two hours to reach home because of the jam you exacerbated, and trust me, that is where it all counts.

I doubt you can use your MINISTER status or an entourage of cops utk melepasi titi Siratul Mustaqim. Haha.

SPECIAL indeed ehh?

The Malay Culture and Islamic way of Life, synonymous?

I know the title of that post and the question posed in it is rhetorical, well at least for me it is but heck, I am going to say something about this anyway.

When Bonda went on vaccay in Sabah 3 weeks ago, she was having a conversation with a friend of hers regarding family, when her friend went out and stated that my family is unlike any Malay family she has ever encountered, and then she said the unthinkable.... she said that my family was 'Westernised'. Gasp, Shiver and Cringe!!! Unlike some of you blokes out there, I am NOT at all flattered  and/or proud to be mentioned in the same phrase as 'West' and/or 'Westernised' and do not like to be equated or tied with the Western world, continent, hemisphere (whatever). Instead I feel  offended rather.

You know why I was so exasperated to hear that? Because this is NOT the first time I have heard our family being labeled as that phrase which I 'shall not repeat again'. And my family had this discussion in a meeting, we actually wondered why such a label has been tied to us?

We analysed our lifestyle and principles and come to a conclusion that while our family may not be a typically 'Malay' family, we were definitely NOT westernised. Ohhh, and by the way, having a slightly better than average command of the English language does NOT in any way make anybody Westernised ok? It just means that you have good English that's all.

Now moving on, we analysed the dynamics of our family and tried to see whether what we practise is a Western trait or is a trait which is practised elsewhere.

Family Practise 1 - If you are wrong, then you are WRONG, regardless of your age, position or seniority and you can expect me to point it out so that you can apologise, fix the wrong and won't repeat the mistake

Malay Culture - I am the Boss, the older one, the more senior one and therefore I am ALWAYS right, and even if I am wrong, you shouldn't say anything to point it out because I am the boss, the older one or the more senior one. If you say something, you are being rude

The question is, is this practise a Western practise? I do not think so. Whilst it is definitely not a Malay practise, this is what our prophet s.a.w says on the matter:-

"(Rasulullah SAW bersabda : Barangsiapa dikalangan kamu melihat kemungkaran maka cegahlah dengan tangannya/kuasanya(jika dia seorang pemimpin )Jika tidak dapat cegahlah dengan lidahnya/perkataannya,jika tidak dapat cegahlah dengan hatinya.Maka sesungguhnya mencegah dengan hati adalah selemah-lemah iman….(au kama Qal)"

So with respect, I say that what my family has been practising all these years is an Islamic principle and not a Western one and clearly not a MALAY one. I mean logically also right, how the heck are we going to improve for the better and realise our mistakes if no one points it out to us? 

Atuk and Nenda points my mistakes and Bonda's mistakes out all the time, but it is not a one way street in our family. God no. There have been times where Bonda and I criticise Atuk and Nenda in the way they do things when we think they are not right. Because that is what we have been thought to do. To point out a wrong and an injustice without fear or favour. To bring it out in the open so we can be better people and improve ourselves. What I don't understand is why criticism to let's say someone in a higher position and/or older and/or more senior is always seen as a sign of disrespect?

When Bonda or I criticise Atuk or Nenda, it does not mean that we disrespect them or love them less, it just means we think they are wrong and we disagree. We can move on, stop the wrong, correct it and do not repeat it again. Is that not what the prophet has said above? I rest my case on this. On to the next one.

Family Practise 2 - We have a problem, let's have a meeting, discuss it, come to a conclusion together and move forward

Malay Culture - What problem? We don't have a problem! Let's just sweep it all under the carpet, pretend nothing's wrong and go on our merry way!

Again, is this a Western trait? Well, it definitely isn't a Malay one I tell you that. How do I know? Let's just say through personal experience. Sigh. What does Islam say about having meetings in order to solve problems?:-

فَاعْفُ عَنْهُمْ وَاسْتَغْفِرْ لَهُمْ وَشَاوِرْهُمْ فِي الأَمْرِ

“Oleh itu maafkanlah mereka (mengenai kesalahan yang mereka lakukan terhadapmu), dan pohonkanlah ampun bagi mereka, dan juga bermesyuaratlah dengan mereka dalam urusan (peperangan dan hal-hal keduniaan) itu”. (Surah Ali-Imran 3:159)

وَأَمْرُهُمْ شُورَى بَيْنَهُمْ وَمِمَّا رَزَقْنَاهُمْ يُنفِقُونَ

“Dan urusan mereka dijalankan secara bermesyuarat sesama mereka”.

(Surah asy-Syuura 32:38)

“Kemudian jika keduanya (suami isteri mahu menghentikan penyusuan itu Dengan persetujuan (yang telah dicapai oleh) mereka sesudah berunding, maka mereka berdua tidaklah salah (melakukannya)”.

(Surah al-Baqarah 2:233)

Our prophet s.a.w also advocates meeting, openly discussing and reaching a conclusion on issues:-

by Ali bin Abi Talib RA:

مشاورة أهل الرأي ثم اتباعهم

“(Apabila) ahli syura bermesyuarat (dalam suatu perkara), ikutlah (pandangan dari) mereka”.

So, again this is not a Western trait but rather an Islamic one. What a misconception do you not think so?

I end this post by saying it is obvious to me that the Malay culture which we are so used to practising may perhaps not be very Islamic at all, but are perceived to be so (on what grounds, I fail to understand!).

And for those who think that we are a 'westernised' family, we must respectfully state that we disagree with you. 

Errr, but Nenda does have an affinity and craving for 'baked potatoes', Atuk surely misses the good ol' days in the UK where we lived for so long, I have a penchant for RPG games and Bonda does have an affinity towards soap operas, but that should not count I say! hehe.

Hope you readers have a good week ahead.

Ragam manusia

I was minding my own business today.

Went to Shah Alam Court, did my thing and stopped by Giant Shah Alam for my fave nasi lemak. I had to share a table with 2 females.

I was so happy with my nasi lemak and then came along this woman who stopped at the table and started screaming at one of the females sitting at the table with me. She was literally screaming her head off. I was shocked for the first 10 minutes, annoyed the next 10 minutes after that and angry at the tail end of another 10 minutes. Yes, she screamed for 30 minutes non stop before being asked to leave by security.

I was like WTF? I am trying to enjoy my nasi lemak man! What the hell are you doing invading my space dawg? At one point (maybe 20 minutes into her screaming) she was approaching the woman who was just sitting quietly eating and ignoring her, to hit her presumably when I had to open my mouth and say 'JANGAN NAK PUKUL PUKUL KAT SINI, SAYA LAWYER!'

It worked...she looked (more like glared) at me and stopped in her steps but then carried on screaming for the remainder of then 10 minutes.

She was later escorted by security outside, arms flailing and all. I lost my appetite but tried to finish my food nevertheless (hence the request for more paru-paru from the dumbfounded makcik). I was listening to what the 2 females was saying and managed to glean that the story sort of goes like this:-

Husband (I can't keep my thang in my pants) having an affair - Wife (aka calm female) found out - Wife divorcing husband - Husband wants wife back (aka gila talak) - Wife tells husband to go to hell - Husband realizes wife is love of his life and dumps screaming ( aka I can't keep my vajayjay in my pants which are 3 sizes to small) mistress - Mistress angry and scolds wife in public place.

I was like, apa ke jadah? Ada kes perempuan simpanan plak nak marah the rightful, lawful and wedded wife of the guy? Who by the way, is also the mother of his 3 children? Apakah?

You know what made it worse? It was the content of the mistress' seemingly incomprehensible screaming. She was saying things like:-

1. The husband has a small, reallyyyy small thang;

2. The husband does not know how to have intercourse properly;

3. The husband is a '2 minute' man; and

4. Other really embarrassing things which I simply cannot put in print, so graphic it was.

And here I am thinking to myself 'the guy had an affair with THIS?'. A woman who is saying all these things in public to embarrass him?  The woman who dare scream at the mother of his children? If I was a guy and heard this, my balls (literally, both of them) would have shriveled with shame.

My mood for the day has been absolutely ruined!

Aishh!

Down in the Dumps

You know there are some days when you wake up out of the wrong side of the bed and everything goes wrong for you? Alas, that was one of these days for me.

Woke up to a storm in the morning and got caught in a two (2) hour traffic jam for absolutely no reason. NO accident, no nothing. Just cars driving extremely slowly.

Got to the office only to find there was absolutely NO parking. After 20 minutes of going round and round in the car park,  I went back out and tried another entrance to another floor of the car park which is strangely enough not connected to the other floors. Why oh why can't all the floors be linked?

Got to the office and switched on my PC. And lo and behold my office email would not start. After the third attempt at switching the PC and off again, I called the IT guys to fix it. What are the odds of them not knowing what was wrong with my PC? But that was what happened. In the end I had to use my external email which can be opened via internet browser to send and receive emails.

And then we received some last minute instructions after lunch from clients about filing a conditional appearance, and the time to enter appearance expires tomorrow. So what does that mean? It means I had to draft, get the draft approved, file the application via e-filing, get the application sealed and out and get a date for hearing of the application for leave to enter conditional appearance before end of business based on instructions that were received after lunch. Because I need it to be heard tomorrow, and obtain that leave tomorrow so I can enter conditional appearance tomorrow.

Trust me the drafting was the easy part. It was the e-filing that got me almost in tears. We had actually filed another application for other defendants in the same suit yesterday, so we know the officer assisting the particular judge this matter was going to be heard before. I had to call him up and begged him to take the finalised application and to give it to the Judge so that it can be fixed tomorrow as well with the earlier application filed yesterday while giving an undertaking that we shall be filing it by way of e-filing at the same time.

And then the nightmare of e-filing began. It took 2 hours to load the SIC and the Certificate of Urgency. It took another 1 hour to load the affidavit in support. We only managed to file everything very late in the day, and I kept on receiving calls from the officer asking why it wasn't uploaded on his system yet. Adoiiii...

After all the drama I managed to get all applications to be heard tomorrow.

And then I started feeling feverish. It must be the bug that nenda brought back from the Philippines which then spread to Atuk and Bonda and now me. So I was feeling dizzy and downed 2 nice panadol actifast and hope that I am alright for tomorrow's hearing because I am literally losing my voice.

Adoii, the only good thing about the day? A bowl of budu freshly made by Aries waiting for me when I reached home and Airiel's chirpy chatter about his school break cooking programme today.

Moga esok tak hilang suara berdepan hakim pula.

Hope your day and week will be better off than mine guys. 

Pasang 2, 3 - Hebatkah Anda?

A couple of days back I read a friend's status update on FB. It was commending another friend for 'memasang 3' as opposed to 'memasang 2'  which was the number he was at last year and saying how 'hebat' this guy was. I was disturbed, and NO, not by the fact that this friend was practising polygamy, but because of the fact that the friend practising polygamy was assumed as a 'great' man and/or 'hebat'.

Obviously, they do not understand the true meaning of what 'polygamy' is and what it entails.

I come from a family that have practised polygamy. And with that, I have seen the 'good' and the 'bad' that polygamy entails. I have seen polygamy work, and work really well. The husband is firm, tells the 1st wife openly he will marry another, discusses it with the 1st wife's family, has principles and treats the wives equally as could possibly be done by him. Most importantly, the husband is the boss and does not cave to unreasonable demands of any of his wives. 

But I have also seen instances where families are destroyed and the suffering by wife and/or wives at the hand of the husband. Why? Because the husband has NO balls. He runs off and marries the other in secret, Thailand and does not have the balls to tell his first wife. In that, he has already failed to be fair to his first wife. And then after marrying his second wife, he goes back to his first wife and then starts the charade so as to disguise the existence of the 2nd wife. In doing that, he neglects his 2nd wife as he cannot visit her as often and can only meet her in secret. In this, he again fails to be fair, but now to his 2nd wife. And dari situ bermulalah perebutan dan tingkah laku isteri to win the husband's heart, with one and at one time both the wives resorting to black magic to make the husband love them more than the other. In this, the husband has failed both wives again by (i) making them feel that one is more loved than the other; and (ii) not being able to control his wives until the wives resorted to something 'haram' like this.

I just shake my head. Inikah lelaki-lelaki berpoligami di luar sana yang hebat yang dimaksudkan di dalam status FB itu?

I read this wonderful article which can be found at :- http://sayangislam.com/2010/02/02/tiada-payung-emas-untuk-wanita-bermadu/. I have taken the liberty of reproducing it below:-

"Di bawah  ini luahan seorang isteri yang suaminya bernikah lagi secara sorok-sorok.  Nikah pun boleh main ‘nyorok-nyorok’ juga.  Aduh… di mana kejantanan seorang lelaki jika dengan seorang isteri pun takut.  Namun itulah yang banyak berlaku dalam masyarakat hari ini.  Akibatnya poligami dipandang serong kerana perlaksanaannya yang agak menyerong.

Objektif poligami sebagai salah satu mekanisme mengatasi masalah sosial juga tidak dapat dimanfaatkan sepenuhnya.

“Bukan takut, tapi mahu jaga hati isteri…”

Mungkin ini alasan popular untuk menjustifikasi satu tindakan yang tidak begitu ‘gentleman’.

Oleh kerana sikap tidak ‘gentleman’ ini, seorang isteri kedua menuntut fasakh dari suaminya. 

Apabila seorang suami mahu ‘main sorok-sorok’ berterusan, implikasinya ialah isteri kedua tidak mendapat giliran yang adil.  Bukan itu sahaja, si suami juga cuai dalam memberi nafkah. 

“Sabarlah sayang… Abang tunggu masa yang sesuai untuk beritahu kakak”.

“Abang janji dalam tempoh 3 bulan untuk beritahu ‘kakak’.  Sekarang sudah 12 bulan, Abang masih takut berterus terang.  Kalau begitu, biar saya beritahu sendiri bahawa saya juga isteri kepada Abang”.

“Sayang, janganlah begitu.  Abang bimbang ‘kakak’ mengambil tindakan yang bukan-bukan nanti…”.

Pelbagai alasan diberi si suami.  Akhirnya isteri kedua menuntut fasakh.  

Bila begini akhir sebuah perkahwinan, maka poligami tidak menjadi usaha menyelamatkan golongan armalah, sebaliknya menambahkan lagi status janda di kalangan wanita.

Jika tidak dapat berlaku adil, maka bernikahlah seorang sahaja.  Itulah pesanan Allah sejak awal-awal lagi.  

Jika takut dilambung ombak, usah berumah di tepi pantai.

Sudahkah Allah dibawa berbincang sebelum bernikah lagi?  Jika mahu tahu kemampuan berlaku adil atau tidak, tanya Allah dulu melalui istikharah dan berbincang dengan mereka yang arif.

Poligami adalah medan untuk memimpin dengan adil antara isteri-isteri.  Jika berlaku aniaya kepada mana-mana isteri, maka isteri berhak keluar dari wilayah yang zalim tersebut.  Carilah keadilan dari Yang Maha Adil yakni Allah.  Wakil Allah di muka bumi ialah qadhi dan hakim yang menunaikan amanah.

Usah biarkan diri dianiayai kerana Allah jadikan kita sebagai insan merdeka dan mengharamkan kezaliman sesama kita. 

Jika kita sendiri pernah menganiaya, maka anggaplah ia sebagai kaffarah dosa.  Salah satu bentuk isteri menganiaya suami ialah menolak ajakan suami melakukan hubungan intim atau tidak berhias di hadapan suami. 

Nabi s.a.w berpesan agar mewar-warkan perkahwinan. 

Anas r.a. melaporkan:  Tatkala Rasulullah s.a.w melihat tanda inai pada Abdul Rahman bin ‘Auf, beliau bertanya, “Apa ini?”

Abdul Rahman menjawab,”Saya telah menikahi seorang wanita dengan mas kahwin emas seberat biji kurma.  Maka Rasulullah s.a.w mendoakan Abdul Rahman,

  “Moga-moga Allah memberkati kamu!  Adakanlah walimah walau dengan seekor kambing”.

Bab menambah isteri, cepat sahaja si suami menjawab, “Ini hukum Allah.  Ini sunnah …” dan bla..bla.. berbuih mulut ingat syariat dan ingat Nabi s.a.w.  Kenapa masa mahu bernikah lagi, tidak war-warkan pada isteri dan ahli keluarga yang lain. 

Rasulullah mengamalkan perbincangan dengan isteri-isteri, kenapa sunnah berbincang dengan isteri ini tidak dituruti?

Jika benar mahu ikut sunnah Nabi, ikut semua; menundukkan pandangan, tidak ber’sms’ dengan wanita ajnabi tanpa urusan mustahak, tidak ber’couple’, membantu isteri di rumah, mendidik isteri dengan kelembutan dan ketegasan, bermesra dengan anak-anak, solat jemaah di masjid, solat tahajjud, berjuang di jalan Allah, menegakkan politik Islam, melaksana undang-undang Islam dan banyak lagi.

Kenapa memilih-milih dalam menurut sunnah Nabi s.a.w?

Seseorang yang baik niatnya dan betul caranya, biasanya tidak akan takut pada manusia sekelilingnya dan sanggup berdepan dengan risiko.  Jika berlaku sebaliknya, maka ada perkara yang perlu diwaspada.  Ia menzahirkan ‘jiwa kecil’ si suami yang berangan-angan besar.

Jika lelaki mahu menegakkan hak dirinya bernikah ramai yang hukum asalnya harus, maka mereka harus sedar hak-hak ALlah yang lebih besar terhadap diri mereka bertaraf wajib yakni menyuruh ummat berbuat maaruf dan mencegah dari kemungkaran.

Untuk kes seperti di bawah ini, menjadi tanggungjawab suami memohon kepada Allah agar dikurangkan sifat cemburu si isteri.  Pimpinan berbentuk spiritual begini amat-amat berharga buat seorang isteri yang mempunyai 9 emosi dan 1 rasional.   Suami juga harus memohon maaf kerana tidak cuba bikin apa yang dicakapkan, “hanya awak di hati saya”.  Berbohong dan tidak menepati janji merupakan salah satu sifat munafik.  Bab bercakap sahaja, si suami telah gagal menurut sunnah Nabi s.a.w yang terkenal sebagai seorang yang bercakap benar walaupun semasa bergurau.

Jika akhlak Rasulullah s.aw tidak menjadi ikutan, maka dengan akhlak siapa mahu dipimpin isteri-isteri?

Petikan entry bertajuk. “Hiburan Untuk Mereka yang Putus Tunang/Diceraikan/Kematian Pasangan”

Lamaran Rasulullah s.a.w itu tidak segera diterimanya. Ummu Salamah mengungkapkan kata-kata, “Sesungguhnya saya seorang wanita yang telah berusia. Saya juga memiliki anak-anak yatim dan saya seorang yang sangat cemburu. Sedangkan anda wahai Rasulullah, memiliki ramai isteri.”

Rasulullah s.a.w lalu berkata, “Adapun tentang sifat cemburu itu, maka Allah akan menghilangkannya. Adapun usia yang telah tua, sesungguhnya saya lebih tua darimu. Manakala anak-anak yatimmu, maka itu menjadi tanggungan Allah dan Rasul-Nya.”

Melalui kisah ini, dapat dilihat bahawa Rasulullah berdoa kepada Allah agar Ummu Salamah dihilangkan sifat cemburunya.   Rasulullah memainkan peranan sebagai pemimpin akal, emosi dan spiritual isteri-isterinya. 

Rasulullah tidak cepat menggunakan rasional, “ini hukum Allah” tanpa cuba memahami apa yang dibimbangkan oleh Ummu Salamah.

Rasulullah fokus kepada ‘point’ yang disebutkan oleh Ummu Salamah yakni tentang usianya, anak-anaknya dan sifat cemburunya.

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 Luahan Hati Seorang Isteri

Amat berat untuk saya menerima hakikat suami saya telah berkahwin lagi. Apalagi dia berkahwin tanpa pengetahuan saya selama 9 bulan. Jika sebelum ini saya selalu mendengar suami saya berkata ” hanya awak di hati saya”, kata-kata manis itu tak mungkin lagi dapat saya dengar dari mulutnya kerana saya dan dia tahu, ianya tidak lagi benar. Saya rasakan sebahagian dari nikmat bersuami sudah hilang. Setiap sentuhan suami tidak lagi eksklusif kerana dia juga menyentuh perempuan lain. Saya tidak bermaksud untuk melawan takdir, tapi kekecewaan dan kesedihan sukar digambarkan. Hidup bermadu memerlukan pengorbanan dan kesabaran yg amat tinggi. Jika tidak, tak mungkin Tuhan menjanjikan payung emas. Saya tidak yakin saya mampu melakukannya. jika saya mampu, alhamdulillah, saya adalah manusia yg amat beruntung. Tapi jika saya tidak mampu untuk menangani perasaan cemburu, saya khuatir hati saya akan amat tersiksa.

SS

Terima kasih atas perkongsian. Saya dapat memahami apa yang diluahkan kerana saya juga perempuan dan seorang isteri. Setiap pengorbanan dan kepahitan hidup pasti ada ganjaran namun idea payung emas tidak terdapat dalam mana-mana nas Quran atau hadis.  Saya tidak tahu bagaimana ia bermula. Mungkin ia direka oleh suami yang mahu memujuk isterinya. Wallahua’lam.

 Jika ada sesiapa yang pernah menemui hadis tentang ‘Payung Emas’ ini, bolehlah maklumkan kepada saya.

 Apa pun, ganjaran pahala bagi mereka yang sabar menghadapi ujian banyak termaktub di dalam al-Quran atau hadis.  Ia tidak khusus untuk kes wanita yang dimadukan sahaja. Bahkan bagi suami-suami yang sabar berhadapan dengan kerenah isteri-isterinya.

 Antaranya ialah ayat 96 dari Surah al-Nahl,

مَا عِندَكُمْ يَنفَدُ وَمَا عِندَ اللّهِ بَاقٍ وَلَنَجْزِيَنَّ الَّذِينَ صَبَرُواْ أَجْرَهُم بِأَحْسَنِ مَا كَانُواْ يَعْمَلُونَ

(Sebenarnya) apa yang ada pada kamu akan habis dan hilang lenyap, dan apa yang ada di sisi Allah tetap kekal; dan sesungguhnya Kami membalas orang-orang sabar dengan memberikan pahala yang lebih baik dari apa yang mereka telah kerjakan.

 Buat diri SS, saya doakan saudari sentiasa diberi kekuatan oleh Allah dan tenang selalu. Fikir yang positif dan lihat masa hadapan. Allah tidak bebankan sesuatu melainkan menurut kemampuan hamba-hambaNya.  Saudari seorang yang hebat sebenarnya.  Justeru Allah memilih saudari untuk berdepan dengan situasi yang ditakuti ramai wanita.

وَأَن لَّيْسَ لِلْإِنسَانِ إِلَّا مَا سَعَى.وَأَنَّ سَعْيَهُ سَوْفَ يُرَى.ثُمَّ يُجْزَاهُ الْجَزَاء الْأَوْفَى

Dan bahawa sesungguhnya tidak ada (balasan) bagi seseorang melainkan (balasan) apa yang diusahakannya. Dan bahawa sesungguhnya usahanya itu akan diperlihatkan (kepadanya, pada hari kiamat kelak). Kemudian usahanya itu akan dibalas dengan balasan yang amat sempurna.

Al-Najm: 39-41"

And I cannot agree more with this article. Just like any other muslim women out there, having the title of the '1st wife' is one of my greatest fears. Moga dijauhkan (well if it has not already happened la kan - Sigh).

But since it is not something I can object to, I would at least expect my husband to know the pre-requisites of polygamy and that it is not a privilege but a RESPONSIBILITY.

I wonder whether that friend which posted that status update realises what a foolish statement he has made. Tiada kehebatan dalam lelaki yang berpoligami sekiranya tidak mampu memahami dan menjalankan tanggungjawab yang wajib di dalam perlakuan poligami itu. 

I also pray for the other friend referred to in that status. Semoga anda menyedari tanggungjawab anda dan dapat berjalan dengan lurus di akhirat kelak. Amin.