A Mother I am...

"Sometimes when you pick up your child you can feel the map of your own bones beneath your hands, or smell the scent of your skin in the nape of his neck. This is the most extraordinary thing about motherhood - finding a piece of yourself separate and apart that all the same you could not live without" - Jodi Picoult

Mama misses you Airiel, angel Akif, angel Aisha...Mama loves you more than Mama can describe...

Happy Mothers Day to all mothers out there...

May we be blessed...

Mothers' Day

Now the title of this post above is highly deceptive. Like politics, I am apathetic to days that have been ranked by 'God knows who' as a day to celebrate a certain individual or portion or society.

I do appreciate birthdays though, although parties are not my thing. Makan skit skit bersama nukleus familia cukup. Membazir pulak rasanya berparti sini, berparti sana. Yes, I am boring like that.

Lest I be accused of being 'unislamic' or 'westernised' for this post as I recalled Bonda and I being called so sometime ago (I know right? me? really?)... maybe we should look at 'Hukum Sambut Hari Ibu di Sisi Islam' here and here.

Now, being a mother is no easy task. And our mother has been through a lot with Maksu and raising the rest of us. So Bonda and I, our motto in so far as our parents go is simple:-

 'What our mother wants, our mother gets [this of course applies to our father as well, but since it's a mother's day sort of post, let's just limit it to my mum today]'

And save for a Volkswagen Beetle [her dream car] which I am sure in due time Bonda and I will get for my mother, Alhamdulillah whatever else she has wanted, Allah has given us the funds/means/ways to fulfill it.

Anyways, what I do like about the time when the world is abuzz about celebrating mothers, is the discounts I get when I buy stuff. And so when I saw something which I KNEW my mother would love, I bought it straight away for her. With a 25 % discount no less.

And true indeed, my mother loved it!!! She did not cry or anything (but that is expected because she is our ice queen) but her smile was enough for Bonda and I

And tears flowed freely for me when Airiel planted a kiss on my cheek one morning and gave me this. Airiel admitted he didn't write the words but said he designed and stuck all the decorations by himself (At 3 years and 2 months old, he speaks fluently now, like a grown up - I just find it amazing).

The sappy, warm, melting feeling that I felt was indescribable. How blessed I am to be a mother.

I asked Aries to wish my mother in law happy mother's day and he shook his head and told me that he was 'not the type' to do all this wishing and all that. But I was happy to see an sms from him to my mother in law in his phone to wish her despite his macho bravado to me about being not the type and all.

There should be no need to designate a particular day to celebrate mothers to me. That is simply silly to me as a mother's sacrifice cannot be sufficiently repaid by just celebrating them one day out of a year. I celebrate her and try to make my mother happy everyday (yes nenda, even if it is just buying you towels to make you happy).

Have a good weekend ahead guys.

My Mother and I

My mother is not like most mothers out there.

She is an equivalent of a drill sergeant and we grew up in very strict, disciplined surroundings.

Me and Bonda to this day, would jokingly say that our mother is the notorious 'Ice Queen'. Someone that never shows any emotion and by that I mean none. She very rarely seems happy, but she does not look miserable either. I have only seen her lose her temper once throughout my entire life, and she very rarely shows bouts of any other emotions at all.

I know deep down she loves us, but I could never understand why she was not capable of showing it.

I never understood, not until one day Bonda asked Atuk why Nenda was so cold...and this is what Atuk says 'She does not necessarily knows how to be a mother because she never had one...'. And he told us the story of my mother. This was about 5 years ago I think.

She was orphaned at age 4 or 5. My grandfather remarried and at first she stayed with her stepmother, who obviously was not the kindest to her and my aunt (my mum was the youngest of 2 siblings, and have 1 older sister, whom airiel calls opah). When that did not work out, she stayed with her grandmother, my great-grandmother throughout her teenage life. My father told us of how my mum only ever felt loved by her grandmother, but their life was hard. There was not enough food, never enough money. It was back then my mother decided that the only way she could leave the life of poverty she was trapped in was through education, and she studied hard until she got accepted into TKC. I remember my mother telling us how the best food she ever ate was while she was in TKC as she never had enough money to eat at home.

I realised that my mother has made it out and she has come a long way indeed.

Only then did I understand why education, and getting good results were the most important thing for her when it comes to her children, it was because she knew first hand that education is what will guarantee us a comfortable life, a way to have means in our lives.

Only then did I understand why she does not cry, as she thinks of it as a weakness she cannot show in front of others due to her harsh childhood.

Only then did I understand why she rarely shows her happiness, as she fears that it would be taken away from her and she would end up hurt as she was in the past.

Only then did I understand why the only times I have ever seen her show any emotion is when it comes to my father, as apart from my great-grandmother,my father is the only person who has ever shown love towards her.

I understand how strong and courageous it was for her to stand up and change her fate, and how in the strength and courage she mustered to do so, she was..more than anything, the most fragile soul I have ever seen.

I now know she loves us in the only way she knows how to.

I am in awe of my mother. I have never told her that, and she may never read this post.... but her story inspires me to be more that I thought I could ever be. I am who I am because of her.

Ibu, I know I don't say this often enough, and you may not always think that I do by the way I act...but I love you.

Moga syurga yang paling istimewa disimpan untuk ibu. Amin

Mum

A lot of people dedicated a post for their mums on mothers day..

I dont think it is necessary for me..

Showed it to her instead..

Love u mom

Yours truly,
Hajar