Marital Woes - You have a choice, MAKE it

I don't know why when friends ke org yg aku kenal tak berapa kenal sgt pun will ask me for advice when they have marital problems. Muka aku ni dah mcm kaunter tempat mengadu hal rumahtangga agaknya. Takpun maybe I just listen and never say anything, unless they ask me too and even when they do I tell them, do you really want to listen to what I have to say? I will ask them that at least 4 or 5 times and if they consistently say yes baru aku cakap.

What marriage does not go through problems, let me ask you that? Most problems are almost always of the same severity, only different in form and shape. And let me tell you perempuan these days sama naik je dengan lelaki dari segi keberanian, kegatalan dan ketidaksopanannya. The stories I have heard shocks even me these days, and I have been through my own hell to not be so easily surprised by anything anymore.

The problems range from money issues, to infidelity issues, to simply growing apart and not having the same feelings for each other anymore, to fertility issues.

Yang paling banyak org mengadu kat aku of course la pasal infidelity kan. And they ask me for my advice. And I always tell them, you have a choice. MAKE it.

And then they give me a funny look like what choice? And I tell them, you either stay or walk away. That is a choice, it may be a tough one to make, but you have to do it if you want to move on in your life. Wallow in your sorrow and grieve for a while, but then at some point of time or rather you have to pick up the pieces and make a decision whether your partner/gf/bf/spouse is worth sticking around for.

If he/she isn't, then leave. Get a divorce, get a time out. Kick him/her out of the house. Do not sit around and hang on to a situation and feel sorry for yourself for the next 50 years of your life while not doing anything.

If he/she is, and he/she is making efforts to change then forgive him/her. It is a simple as that. I have gone through major marriage problems in my life, details of which let me just keep to myself. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It is fact which I had to face. Grieve and lose sleep over. I look at my son  at the time and ask myself 'why?'. I look at my FIL and Aries' family history at the time and tell myself I should never have married a guy who was so genetically predisposed to this kind of behaviour. I felt sorry for my MIL and wondered how she put up with something which I find so unacceptable.

And then after all that grieving and wallowing and feeling sorry for myself, I had to make a decision. do I stay? Or do I leave? And believe you me, it was not an easy decision, so I asked Allah for help and help Allah did. For muslims, solatlah istikharah.

I made my decision. I stayed. I forgave ... and by forgiving I realised how much more of a person I was on the inside than Aries could ever be, because both he and I knew that if the situation was reversed, he would never have forgiven me.

What didn't break us has now made us stronger. It is a work in progress but I hope we will one day get there. I can only hope for the best.

And I moved on. You move on. We should all move on.

Same goes if you decide to have a divorce or leave. Get it done, forgive you partner/spouse (forgiving really does set you free) and start afresh. As much as the process of starting afresh again is painful, it is also a relief. And insyaAllah, you will find someone who will be better suited for you.

If you have money issues, you should talk to each other about it!

If you have fertility issues, work on it! Get yourself checked out, medically diagnosed and try and fix the situation.

If you feel like the spark is no longer there, spend more time with each other, take vacations. Have a romantic getaway. Make an effort to fall in love again. How fun would that be, to fall in love over and over again with the same person? mother/father of your children? someone to grow old with?

The truth might hurt, and talking about it might hurt even more. But to me, talking about it and finding a solution, means you are owning your pain and therefore exercising control over it.

The bottom line is everybody when confronted with a situation, have a choice. All they have to do is MAKE it.

Make that choice my readers, and I wish you all the best.

Enjoy the rest of the week!

P.S - Forgiving does not mean forgetting mind you. I do remind Aries on how mean and how much pain he caused me from time to time. And then, all of a sudden... I get a new bag! *Grin*

Disgusted with leaders of today

I am disgusted with the behaviour of our leaders (those from the government and opposition alike).

For the non-muslim leaders, well I would not know the examples they take and emulate. But for me, as a Muslim, I want my muslim leaders to follow the example of the greatest personality ever to grace this earth with his presence. Our prophet s.a.w.

This is what he says, a leader should be or aim to be and the consequences of falling foul as a leader:-

"Rasulullah saw bersabda kepada ka’ab bin ujrah: mudah-mudahan Allah melindungimu dari para pemimpin yang bodoh (dungu). Ka’ab bin ujzah bertanya: apa yang dimaksud dengan pemimpin yang dungu wahai rasulullah saw? Beliau menjawab: mereka adalah para pemimpin yang hidup sepeninggalku. Mereka tidak pernah berpedoman pada petunjukku, mereka tidak mengikuti sunnahku. Barang siapa yang membenarkan kedustaan mereka ataupun mendukung atas kezaliman mereka, maka orang itu tidak termasuk golonganku, karena aku bukanlah orang seperti itu. Mereka juga tidak akan mendapatkan air minum dari telagaku. Wahai ka’ab, sesungguhnya puasa adalah benteng, sedekah itu bisa menghapus kesalahan, sedangkan shalat adalah upaya mendekatkan diri kepada Allah (qurban) –dalam riwayat lain burhan (dalil)- wahai ka’ab sesungguhnya tidak akan masuk surga seonggok daging yang berasal dari barang haram. Dan api neraka lebih berhak untuk melahapnya. Wahai ka’ab bin ujrah, manusia terpecah menjadi dua golongan: pertama, orang yang membeli dirinya (menguasai dirinya), maka dia itulah yang memerdekakan dirinya.  Golongan yang menjual dirinya, maka dia itulah yang membinasakan dirinya sendiri. (hr. Ahmad bin hambal)

Abu said (abdurrahman) bin samurah r.a. Berkata: rasulullah saw telah bersabda kepada saya : ya abdurrahman bin samurah, jangan menuntut kedudukan dalam pemerintahan, karena jika kau diserahi jabatan tanpa minta, kau akan dibantu oleh Allah untuk melaksanakannya, tetapi jika dapat jabatan itu karena permintaanmu, maka akan diserahkan ke atas bahumu atau kebijaksanaanmu sendiri. Dan apabila kau telah bersumpah untuk sesuatu kemudian ternyata jika kau lakukan lainnya akan lebih baik, maka tebuslah sumpah itu dan kerjakan apa yang  lebih baik itu. (buchary, muslim)

Abu dzar berkata : ya rasulallah tidakkah kau memberi jabatan apa-apa kepadaku? Maka rasulullah memukul bahuku sambil berkata : hai abu dzar kau seorang yang lemah, dan jabatan itu sebagai  amanat yang pada hari qiyamat hanya akan menjadi kemenyesalan dan kehinaan. Kecuali orang yang yang dapat menunaikan hak dan kewajibannya, dan memenuhi tanggung jawabnya.

Rasulullah saw bersabda: setiap pemimpin yang memimpin rakyatnya,  pada hari kiamat pasti akan didatangkan. Kemudian malaikat mencengkeram tengkuknya dan mengangkatnya sampai ke langit. Kalau ada perintah dari Allah: lemparkanlah, maka malaikat akan melemparkannya ke bawah yang jauhnya adalah empat puluh tahun perjalanan. (hr. Ibnu majah)

Rasulullah saw bersabda: sesungguhnya aku orang yang paling tahu tentang tiga golongan yang pertama kali masuk surga: orang yang mati syahid, seorang hamba yang menunaikan hak allah dan hak majikannya, dan orang fakir yang menjauhkan diri dari hal-hal yang tidak baik. Aku juga orang yang paling tahu tentang tiga golongan yang pertama kali masuk neraka: seorang pemimpin yang otoriter (sewenang-wenang), seorang kaya yang tidak menunaikan kewajibannya, dan seorang fakir yang sombong. (hr. Ahmad)

Abu ja’la (ma’qil) bin jasar r.a berkata: saya telah mendengar rasulullah saw bersabda: tiada seorang yang diamanati oleh Allah memimpin rakyat  kemudian ketika ia mati ia masih menipu rakyatnya, melainkan pasti Allah mengharamkan baginya surga. (buchary, muslim)"

Like I said, the leaders these days do not seem to understand that their position is not a 'privilege' but a 'responsibility' and a heavy one at that. 

Apsal mcm lupa diri je diorg semua ni?

Ishhhh

Tipu yg dibenarkan dalam Islam

Scandalous tak tajuk ni. During a recent conversation with my in-laws, a statement got me really thinking. This statement was 'LELAKI BOLEH MENIPU TTG BERKAHWIN LAGI'. 


Apakah?


Now I have learned in my sekolah agama days that the ulama's views are diverged on this point. But let's look at the general consensus with regards to lies that are permissible in Islam.


Sabda Nabi s.a.w.; “Bukanlah dianggap pendusta/pembohong seorang yang berniat untuk memperbaiki di antara manusia dengan ia menyampaikan berita yang baik sahaja (di antara dua orang yang bergaduh/bersengketa) atau melaporkan yang baik-baik sahaja (dengan menyembunyikan yang tidak baik di antara mereka berdua)” (HR Imam al-Bukhari dan Muslim dari Ummu Kalsum r.a.). Dalam riwayat Imam Muslim, terdapat tambahan; Ummu Kalsum berkata; “Aku tidak mendengar Nabi s.a.w. memberi sebarang kelonggaran (untuk berbohong/berdusta) dalam percakapan manusia kecuali dalam tiga keadaan;

1) Ketika peperangan
2) Untuk mendamaikan di antara manusia
3) Percakapan seorang lelaki dengan isterinya dan percakapan seorang perempuan dengan suaminya
(HR Imam Muslim)

Berkata Imam an-Nawawi –mengulas hadis ini-; “Hadis ini dengan jelas telah mengharuskan beberapa bentuk pendustaan jika ada maslahah/kepentingan. Para ulamak telah membuat batasan bagi pendustaan/pembohongan yang diharuskan. Batasan yang terbaik ialah yang dikemukakan oleh Imam al-Ghazali yang menjelaskan; percakapan ialah jalan untuk mencapai maksud-maksud tertentu. Jika suatu maksud yang baik dapat dicapai dengan berkata benar, tidak harus lagi berdusta kerana pendustaan tidak diperlukan ketika itu. Namun jika maksud yang baik itu tidak ada cara untuk mencapainya melainkan dengan berbohong/berdusta, maka ketika itu berbohong/berdusta adalah harus jika maksud yang ingin dicapai itu hukumnya adalah harus. Jika maksud itu wajib, maka berdusta ketika itu juga wajib (kerana tidak ada cara lain lagi untuk mencapainya). Contohnya; ada seorang muslim bersembunyi dari seorang lelaki zalim dan kita mengetahui tempat persembunyiannya. Kemudian si zalim itu bertanya kita tempat lelaki muslim itu bersembunyi. Ketika itu wajib kita berdusta/berbohong (yakni tidak harus kita bercakap benar dengan memberitahunya). Contoh lain; kita ada menyimpan barang milik seseorang muslim, lalu ditanya tentangnya oleh seorang zalim yang ingin merampasnya, maka wajib kita berdusta untuk menyembunyikannya (bagi mengelak ia dirampas). Malah kata Imam al-Ghazali; jika kita memberitahu si zalim itu dan barang itu dirampasnya, wajib kita menggantikannya.

Namun langkah yang lebih berhati-hati ialah dengan kita melakukan at-Tauriyah iaitu berselindung, yakni tidak secara direct berdusta/berbohong. Maksud at-Tauriyah ialah kita bercakap dengan bahasa yang zahirnya nampak macam berdusta, tetapi secara terselindung (yakni biat di hati) kita tidak berdusta. (Lihat; al-Azkar, Imam an-Nawawi, kitab Hifzul-Lisan. *Terjemahan dilakukan secara bebas).

Bagi kes hubungan suami-isteri, maksud keharusan berdusta/berbohong ialah dalam menzahirkan kasih-sayang, berjanji sesuatu yang tidak lazim/mesti (ditunaikan) atau sebagainya. Sebagai contohnya; apabila isteri bertanya suami; sedap atau tidak masakannya? Suami pun menjawab; “sedap”, walhal sebenarnya tidak sedap. Jawapan itu bertujuan menjaga perasaan isteri walaupun suami sebenarnya berbohong. Berbohong sebegitu tidaklah dicela kerana tujuannya untuk mengekalkan kasih-sayang. Adapun melakukan penipuan/pembohongan untuk mengelak dari tanggungjawab/kewajipan terhadap pasangan masing-masing atau untuk merampas haknya secara batil, maka ia adalah haram dengan ijmak para ulamak. (Lihat; Syarah Soheh Muslim, Imam an-Nawawi)


Now, does the above circumstance cover an instance where a husband lies to one of his wives about the existence of another wife? I honestly doubt it. Especially when the husband in marrying another has avoided and/or abdicated his responsibility in respect of his other wife.


Wallahu a’lam.




References:-

1. al-Azkar, Imam an-Nawawi.
2. Syarah Soheh Muslim, Imam an-Nawawi, juz. 16, kitab al-Birri wa as-Silah.., Bab Tahrim al-Kazibi..
3. Raudhatul-Muttaqien, Syeikh Abdul-Qadier ‘Irfan, jil. 1, bab al-Islah baina an-Naas

Jaded...

My family knows the story of how I became an advocate and solicitor.

It was a secret ambition I have always kept close to my heart after Maksu met with an accident. We were appointed solicitors as a pro bono case by the Queens court. Mr. Paul Scott (God bless his soul) was appointed as our solicitor. Over the next 10 years (before our case finally went to trial in the first ever video teleconferencing trial in the UK and Malaysia), he became our family. He visited us in Malaysia, stayed at crappy hotels, stood the heat which always made him pink, ate the food Nenda cooked for him and had seconds while he prepared our statements, went to see Maksu's doctors to prepare her medical reports for Court. He became a steadfast protector of Maksu and us. He even brought his lovely wife along for some of his working trips to Malaysia to meet us.

So emotionally involved with our case he became, he asked that he be excused as solicitor assisting the barristor when the matter went to trial as he was visibly emotionally invested in our case and did not want to create issues which can be raised in objection for the other side. I remember those were the exact words he used and said to Nenda.

Nenda was devastated when he passed away as was the rest of our family. When Nenda and Atok visited the UK the year after he passed away, Nenda and Atok visited his lovely wife. His wife cried meeting Nenda and Atok and told us how much he cared for Maksu and the rest of us as the years passed.

It was in his memory, that I decided to become an advocate and solicitor. Somebody needs to take care of Maksu's legal affairs I thought. But at the time, I was in University Malaya, finishing my science-stream based matriculation. Nenda wanted me to be a doctor like Bonda. I was doing very well but knew that I did NOT want to be a doctor.

As my finals dawned, I realised that if I continued to do well I would definitely get the offer to do medicine which Nenda would never let me turn down. And so I decided to do the unthinkable, I purposely flunked a subject. Even with one F for a subject, my pointer was in the 3.33 region because I obtained A's in the rest. Nenda and Atok was upset beyond belief and I was upset that I made them upset. But I was also relieved, no being a doctor for me.

But it was during this time, Allah showed me the importance of obtaining approval from your parents for anything that you do in life. With their disapproval of my rebellion, I was turned down at every corner. I could not get into the law programme in UM or UIA as my matriculation was science based and was out of time to apply for the UITM intake. UITM does not accept science based matriculation for its arts based programmes either. 

I entered a private college and took up law while appealling to UITM, hoping for a big break.

At that time I realised the heartbreak I caused Nenda and Atuk by doing what I did. We were not even on speaking terms. They simply could not understand how their daughter could have failed a subject. They did not know that I purposely did what I did. I was too afraid of telling Nenda that I wanted to be something completely different from what she envisioned me doing. And so I had a chat with Bonda. Bonda eventually spoke to Nenda and told her the truth. I did not know what happened but Nenda and Atok then gave their blessing and became my greatest supporter then on.

With their blessing, my fate did a 180. My uncle helped me in securing a spot in the law faculty for an interview for the 2nd intake. I cannot thank my uncle enough for his help. Prof Darby became the dean of the Law Faculty in UITM. He went against normal procedure and convention by scouting for science stream based students to put in his law programme. For the 2nd intake I was called into his room where he explained to me that I, along with a handful of other students was his 'social experiment'. He became my favourite lecturer of all time. I cannot thank him enough for daring to be different.

The rest as they say is history...

And I am still here...it goes without saying that this is a profession I chose to be in because I am passionate about it and this is who I have always wanted to be.

But these days, I find myself increasingly frustrated with the people in my profession. A few days back I went to FC for a case management where 4 rather senior counsels appeared. Needless to say, I was the youngest there. When the matter came up for case management, everybody rushed for a seat leaving me, the only female in the bunch, standing up. I would have happily offered and given up a seat for a more senior member of the Bar, but the least any one of them could do was to offer me one and I would have politely declined [chivalry is dead, No?]. 

Never the matter, the CM went on. Parties could not agree on a hearing date common to all. One senior member actually insisted on fixing a date in March of April, knowing full well that we were not free. It escalated into a shouting match rather with him eventually saying that it was not his business to care about other people's free dates and he was free and everybody else could very well write in for an adjournment. This went on to a full blown war between the rest of the counsels and went on for a good 40 minutes. And here I was standing, watching these 4 people arguing like children. And so I turned to look at the senior member  and addressed the registrar at the same time and said 'Sir [senior member], Tuan [Registrar], we cannot fix a date for hearing which is not convenient to ALL counsels. This beats the purpose of this entire case management exercise. Doing such a thing would tantamount to nothing less than a miscarriage of justice' . The person glared at me like 'miscarriage of justice' was a foreign word!

He then ignored me and said 'So Tuan, March or April?'. And for the first time in a LONG time, I lost my temper. To which I responded 'We have gone past March and April already haven't you noticed?  We passed those months during the first 20 minutes of your pointless arguing, which then continued for another 20 minutes!!'. He was finally quiet. All of them became quiet. In fact, the whole place became very quiet. Then quietly they all agreed to a date in July where all counsels were free.

I noticed that the 3 counsels took the effort to shake my hand afterwards as if for the first time they acknowledged my existence in the room. One patted me in the back telling me how brave I was. One offered me a job (I seem to be getting this a lot these days). One took down my phone number (strange)

and magically started remembering my name. The one who started all the shouting, left in a huff.

But my mood changed for the rest of the day. What was so brave or great about me losing my temper? Should we not reserve arguments in court on merits and not something so trivial about the fixing of dates? What was the whole point of them arguing for 40 minutes while I stood there in my 5 inch heels? Chivalry is certainly dead isn't it?

And that is just but one instance of my frustrations. I am at the point of completely being jaded in a profession which I profess an undying love for. 

Sigh..... I don't know what to do...

Meatworks, Citta Mall - Part 2

Yummy yum yum, thats all I have to say:-

Our drinks

Sauteed mushrooms as a starter

Humongous portion of ribs...

AND

Aries having a romantic conversation with SIRI... a gift from wifey :)

Down with the sickness

Like I have said in my previous posts, I have been super sick. I still am at the moment...

Its funny how when you're sick, your mind tends to wander to things past, present and sometimes dreams for the future. While drifting in and out of consciousness due to my medication, i vaguely remember Aries' tears falling on my cheeks and whispering to me in my sleep word I cannot make out or remember, that he was stroking my forehead and hair...did I imagine that? I don't know... i honestly don't remember.

I remember shivering with a fever so high on Sunday and vaguely remember Aries holding my hand and kissing my forehead before he left for JB. Was that truly real? Such a blur it was.

I vaguely remember Airiel, my soul coming in and out of my room to check on me. I remember him kissing my forehead everytime he would visit me and he would 'I love you' before he left. How in my drowsiness from medication, I would still tear up and cry. And despite my best efforts, Airiel and Aries have gotten my bug and Airiel was taken to the clinic today.

How Bonda got the best medication for me, and how in the course of treating me, she caught my bug and ended up sick as well.

How Nenda cooked the best home made rice porridge in the world, put it in a bowl and took it upstairs for me to eat because I couldn't keep any food down and my joints and ribs ached so much that I couldn't go down and get it myself.

How Atuk, in his usual fashion got me some air doa for me to drink so that I would get better.

My dreams are equally weird, I dreamt of being at moyang's house stroking her forehead as she slept  with her loyal maid by her side.  I dreamt of being in my white kancil where Aries first proposed to me 2 weeks after we met. I dreamt of seeing Airiel after the doctors took him out of my tummy and showed me his little, tiny feet...

How in my pain and suffering, I have become closer to Allah.

My word, I am LOVED.

How this sickness have opened my eyes to that..

There is indeed no greater joy in life than the knowledge that you are loved.

I hope to get better soon. Please pray for us in the family who are sick. Amin

This is happiness

Anecdote for Today

Look honey, when you're dead, people are 

not going to remember how good of a 

lawyer you were, how many cases you won

 or how many times your name was

 reported in the MLJ, CLJ and the likes, 

people are only going to remember how

 you were as a person, were you kind? 

were you compassionate? were you an

 asshole? were you a bully? 

...and really, from they way you're

 going, there will be really nothing nice to 

say or hear during the funeral, whenever

 that happens. So I would be obliged if you 

could take your attitude and shove it up 

your ASS. Thank you.

Disclaimer : perkara ini tiada kaitan dan/atau tidak ditujukan kepada mana-

mana pihak yang masih hidup atau yang telah mati. Saya tidak dapat membantu anda

sekiranya anda terasa.

Rightful owner of my Heart...

I get terrified whenever my wedding anniversary draws near.

Nothing good ever happens to my marriage on my anniversary. 3 years in a row, something bad always
happens when my anniversary draws near.

My heart is terrified of something bad happening this year. I repeat, TERRIFIED. Maka hati ini berdoa.

And then I read this quote on facebook:-

"This world cannot break you—unless you give it permission. And it cannot own you unless you hand it 

the keys – unless you give it your heart. And so, if you have handed those keys to dunya for a while—

take them back. This isn’t the End. You don’t have to die here. Reclaim your heart and place it with its 

rightful owner...God."

This quote is from Yasmin  Mogahed, and the link to her blog can be found at the lists of blogs I read.

And so I shall place my heart, with all its shattered and broken parts and pieces that I have

painstakingly pieced together to the one who will never break it, whose love stands immortal, who I 

know I can trust with every fibre of my being, who has blessed me with so much and whose kindness I 

can never repay.

MasyaAllah. I leave this heart of mine with you, Ya Allah. And I am ok. Come what may... I will be ok.

Entry Random

Ok, I should be telling you about my eating escapades again..but I am lazy.  Malas malas malas...

Instead I will post some random pics about some random and not so random pics that I have taken lately.

this was taken in dubai, and these are my current fave pair of sandals. comel tak?? 

airiel moves so fast these days..and look at his flailing arms!! mama sometimes just cant keep up!!

the house is only peaceful when he sleeps haha...

And so ends my completely random entry...

POS Malaysia drama

I have not been shopping online lately. Much of course have to do with me spending bucketloads on stuff in Dubai and saving more money for my trip to Krabi next, but its actually more than that.

I have been having some drama with the POS Malaysia people. All this while I have received like hundreds, heck maybe even thousands of packages from Poslaju. What happens is, I leave my IC No. with my maids. When the postman comes, they fill in my I.C No and take the package on my behalf, I think for the past 3 years +, that was how it went.

About 2 weeks ago, the postman called me up telling me he cannot deliver my parcel because he cannot verify that I shall receive the package. I said, well you called me and I can confirm now that my maid is receiving my package on my behalf, so please give it to her. This postman said, No, your maid needs to show him a copy of her passport. I got a bit peeved and asked him why he needed such a thing? He just said it was POS Malaysia's policy.

I had reservations about making copies of my maids' pasport and showing it to random people. What if they took that copy and maliciously make a police report or something like that? What if they use that copy to forge another pasport? The possibilities are endless and believe you me, Aries being in the criminal law line has seen it all and agreed with me that all this was possible.

I had an argument with the Postman back and forth and he put down the phone. When I tried calling him again later on a number of occasions, he never picked up. I smsed him by saying, that I have received hundreds of packages where my maids just put my IC no. down and accepted it on my behalf and that was fine. He said no, he wants to see a copy of the passport. It was the pasport or nothing, meaning the parcel would not be delivered and I would have to pick it up at the collection center, a jammed, in the middle of nowhere place which would cost precious time. Needless to say, I never got my package. I had to pick it up later, which in all honesty I had no time to do. I have all the smses by this postman kept as evidence in my phone. Sedeynye. Sob sob

I was like, POS Malaysia's policy? I mean c'mon, even if they do have such a policy, have they not by their conduct on the thousands of occasions they have delivered packages to my house, waived such strict compliance with that policy? Why strictly insist now? Do they know how much of an inconvenience they are causing to me as a customer? Sigh

I would do anything so that I do not have to show my maid's passport to the postman! I mean his requirement is a bit offensive to me! What else can I do? So now I have stopped shopping online because I do not want to deal with these people!!!

And then a couple of days ago, my sister had made an order for some food which we needed to sample as wedding favours for a relative. And she had it delivered to our house and guess what? Same thing!! I think because of my previous argument with the postman, he has now blacklisted our house!! Typical. And you know what made it worse? My sister then went to the collection centre and guess what, the postman has not even returned with her parcel which contained the food i.e. perishable goods! So the collection centre called the postman up and spoke to the postman and he said he'll drop by the house. And so my sister went back to our house and waited...only to receive a call from that postman to say 'he is to busy to drop by because he has so many parcels to deliver'!!! sampai hati kan? kan? kan? So in the end my sister had to pick up the food the next morning!! Sigh...

Has this happened to any of you out there? Is there such a policy by POS Malaysia? Can someone help me out here? I do not want to make a copy of my maids' passport to show to anyone. I don't think its a reasonable request for them to make, unless of course you're the immigration department or something...then bolehlah kan. If they want to verify its my house or I will accept the package for sure, just call me and I can confirm it. But this kind of request I just find it a tad too unreasonable. The problem is during the day, no one is at home save for the maids and on occasion, my dad.

Sigh, I am stumped. What do I do? I am so sad to be getting this kind of treatment from them. I am thinking of getting the blogshops I order from now on to courier the stuff to me using other courier companies and I am willing to pay more for it because I do not like the way I am treated as a customer.

I am an unhappy customer indeed!!

I have landed!!

I am in Dubai at last!!

I am missing Airiel tremendously. And is currently trying to arrange my stuff in the hotel room. This is going to be home for the next 8 days.

Watch this space friends for updates!

Later!!

Angel with Silver Wings

Tears in Heaven


Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven
Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven
I must be strong and carry on
Because I know I don't belong here in heaven

Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven
I'll find my way through night and day
Because I know I just can't stay here in heaven

Time can bring you down
Time can bend you knees
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please
Begging please

Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure
And I know there will be no more tears in heaven

Eric Clapton wrote this beautiful song after the death of his son. Isn't amazing how something so painful can translate itself into such a beautiful song like this?

Amazing..

Limits of Love

Love, in all its greatness makes a person capable of 

almost anything...it renders you blind to faults and flaws, 


it gives you the will to fight, the will to persevere, it 


feigns acceptance, it grants you the capacity to forgive 


...but love...even as powerful as it is... cannot make you 


forget...

Indeed...

"It is those we live with and love and should know who 

elude us."- Norman Maclean

And I look back on how relationships in my life has changed throughout the years.

Falling out and sugar coating with 'those who cannot be named or referred to in this blog'

Meddling by other people or as the org putih would call 'fire stone' that burns bridges by default.

Drifting away and away with those who used to matter...

Being betrayed and betrayed .... and betrayed and forgiving and forgiving .... and forgiving and learning 

to trust once more...

Getting a loved one into trouble...

And I realised...

It is those who we respect the most who fall below our expectations 

It is those we trust the most who ends up betraying us

And it is those who we love the most who ends up inflicting the worst pain in our lives

The quote above is very true... for in our need to idolise, love and trust someone, we want to believe that 

they can do no wrong, that they are everything that we expect them and want them to be and over and 

above everything else, we want to believe that everything will be alright in the end...


The reverse is also true...and I have at times hurt and disappointed those who I love and respect the most...

The truth is often not what we perceive it to be...but at times like this, I would read another quote to 

make sense of it all...

“The world is not respectable; it is mortal, tormented, confused, deluded forever; but it is shot through with beauty, with love, with glints of courage and laughter; and in these, the spirit blooms timidly, and struggles to the light amid the thorns.” - George Santayana

Things happen for a reason and every laughter, tear shed, heart broken, bridge burned has made me 

who I am today. I may not be whole... but I am complete.

Terima Kasih Allah atas segalanya...

  

Trustee's my Foot!!!

Wahai trustee trustee di luar sana yg tak amanah dan menyeleweng duit yang bukan milik anda...hidup you takkan aman atau tenteram dan duit yg you makan duit haram...mati nanti confirm seksa, bila dah mati mesti lagi dahsyat seksaan dalam kubur...padanlah muka anda because you deserve all the suffering you get...amin

A moment in time...

"I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived."

Margaret Mitchell

It is funny how your memory fails you in the most uncanny of times. You forget things which you are supposed to remember. And how your memory just remembers things which should have been long forgotten.

I no longer dwell on the past, or draw from it.  I distance myself from it as much as I can... and try to divert my attention to other things when I feel the sharp stabbing sensation in my chest that indicates how vividly I remember.

And I am ok on most days.

But when the memories flood you, you just drown in it. They do not give you room to breathe, to run away. It engulfs you... and I stand my ground. Eventually the feeling subsides.

And so Rose Kennedy is right. My mind recomposes itself as a protective mechanism so that I can remain sane. 

May this Ramadhan give me strength and solace and a slippery memory (hehehe) so that I can finally forget what I do not need to remember.

Quote of the Day

‎"If ye love wealth greater than liberty, the tranquility of servitude greater than the animating contest for freedom, go home from us in peace. We seek not your counsel, nor your arms. Crouch down and lick the hand that feeds you; May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen." -- Samuel Adams

Let our differences unite us and not divide us..

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter...

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

As the Bersih rally went on last Saturday, I watched anxiously and kept up with the news on Malaysiakini.

I remember how my maid was pissed as she had to cancel her leave.

As the drama unfolded, so did the posts, comments and blogs of my fellow friends. It was only then did I realise how different we all are, in so far as opinions, beliefs and views are concerned.

I know some of my friends struggle to keep their composure in defending what they believe in, I know some were cynical, I know some were angry, I know some were downright rude.

But were you, any of you there to witness the events? When you hear rumors of what happened, did you take steps to verify it?

I don't know what happened and so wisely, I shall not open my mouth and comment. Lets read from those who were there:-

1. A lawyer in the monitoring team here;

2. Marina Mahathir's account of the events here;

3. The accounts of Charis Ding on Malaysia Today here;

4. The account of Abdul Haleem here; and

5. Last but not least, Aunty Anne here.

Enough of the hate, the distrust, the judgment on each other. Bersih has come and gone, it was an event and it has passed. But we, you and I are here to stay. We ARE the future of this country, every single one of us.

Let us celebrate our differences and have it unite us, not the other way round.

Bak kata org, 'Dalam hati tu biar ada taman' hehehehe.

The 'Bersih' furore

I am apathetic to all things political.

My dad may be somewhat of an opposition activist, as some would call him. But I see him as something different.

He has worked, all throughout his life to help people in need. I have seen him help people all across religion, race and without due care or regard to their political inclinations. He is a devout muslim and so, I believe deep down, he feels like he must align himself to a political party which he can identify himself with. I believe that he truly believes the cause for which he contributes every ounce of his energy to. And for that I respect him as I cannot imagine myself doing or believing in anything remotely close to what he has accomplished.

But the reality is this. The people in his own party do not appreciate him. His values and work (for which he asks for absolutely nothing in return) are shunned by people who has agendas and political motivations and inclinations of their own. These people do not care about anything else but how they can reach the top and they do that by hiding behind their kupiah's and tudung's and by reciting the holy words of Quran but that which does not ring true in their hearts. Do they care about making things better? They DON'T. Do they care about you and me or other issues plaguing this society and country. They DON'T. And another reality is this, it is these kind of people, who always win and get the upper hand. And for that I respect my father even more, as it bothers him not one bit, and he continues carrying on his work and mission to help others.

From him and what he has gone through, I learned that power, money and fame runs in the veins of every political party, ruling or opposition aside.

So do I agree with Bersih or  care about the rumours of its cause being politically tainted? I am apathetic to their cause. This means it makes absolutely NO difference to me. The difference I see and feel is the kilos of rice, oil and eggs handed out to every single mother in Puchong and other areas by my father every week, every problematic teenager counseled by my father who has turned a new leaf and every student who was given financial help by my father who has now made something of themselves. That is what matters to me. Their tears and gratitude. They make the difference. Not any political party, not any over-idolised individual with their own agendas.

Do I agree with the Bar Council and its support for it? I believe that the Bar Council should remain over and above all political inclinations and instead look after the interests of its members.

But what is happening in this country is disturbing me right now. I am a citizen of this country, I should have the right to assemble in a group, walk peacefully and show my disagreement towards something. That is my inherent RIGHT. Whether I exercise that right or not, is completely up to me. But should I exercise that RIGHT, no act of violence should be imposed on me.

It is not the idea of clamping down on 'Bersih' which is upsetting me. It is the idea of taking away a RIGHT which was given to me by my forefathers who marched and walked and obtained independence for this country from colonial rule. It is the idea of telling/instructing me the way I should think, they way I should act, the way I should dress. This is NOT the democracy which our forefathers fought for with their tears, sweat and blood. They would shiver in their graves seeing at how this country has been torn apart.

The action by the current administration in respect of the Bersih issue is merely a symptom of a more disturbing desease. And what disturbs me more is that I do not knowwhat that desease is.

At the back of my mind, I have that nagging feeling that something has been taken away from me. Something which I know is mine. That RIGHT.

I shudder to think what right will be forfeited next. We will all see...yes we shall.