Reflections

I'm sure you're tired of hearing/reading my tirade about how much crap I endured to stay with Aries in this long distance marriage. How things were so bad at one point of time, leaving seemed to be the only option for me. How faith has managed to get me to see things in a different light. How I am still here. How we are still together and have just turned 4.

It's almost a year now since all that has passed. I am ok on most days. But on some days it is just really bad. although it is not as bad as how I would feel a year ago.

I mean, why am I complaining? Aries has changed a lot since those days. People make mistakes don't they? Why am I worried? Is it because he is genetically predisposed? Aren't we all prisoners of our upbringing? Sometimes things need to get worse before they can get better....right?

"I once read the sentence 'I lay awake all night with a toothache, thinking about the toothache an about lying awake.' That's true to life. Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: the fact that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief." -C.S Lewis

And the above describes it. Thinking about things doesn't help at all. And I try not to. I keep myself busy. I think about how much I love my Airiel. I think about the friends I have. I think about how I am blessed to have the greatest family as a support system. I think about how blessed I am to wake up and go to a job that I absolutely love. I think about how we were and how much we endured to be together.

But I get fickle, and I get greedy. I want EVERYTHING. And no one person in this world gets everything they want. Allah gives you something else, and takes something else away. It keeps and preserves the balance, it is the ying and yang, it is life. I understand that, and yet I am discontent.

I bought this new diary.

How the simple things in life can make you happy. 

What a year it has been.