It does describe 'me'.
When I joined the firm I was in now, I was a few months pregnant and was very bitter after leaving SANCO JB, where I had a very bad experience.
I joined a very elite team in this firm because I was recommended by a friend who was already a partner there. We were friends. I had all the respect in the world for him. He was and still is the most brilliant practitioner I have ever met.
And things were almost perfect. I was doing the work of my dreams, really interesting stuff that I would not have the chance of doing otherwise. Call me a workaholic..but right until the very end of my pregnancy, I was staying back late in the office, burning the midnight oil.
I was working for my friend and another lawyer who had separate portfolios but was nevertheless under the same elite team. My friend was notoriously difficult to work with, but I held on.
And then I gave birth. After my maternity I came back and was ready to work..but my priorities were changed for good...I no longer had the luxury of staying back late anymore, as I have a son waiting at home for me.
But this friend of mine could not accept the fact that there were other priorities in my life and began to take it as a sign that my passion for the law has waned, that the fire I used to have burning for this profession is dimming and that I was no longer willing to sacrifice to be a great practitioner.
I am not sure what his idea of sacrifice is? Staying back late? Does it matter if I get my work done?
And then the 'abuse' started. Shall I call it abuse? I draft an e-mail and he would berate me by saying the e-mail was wrong. When the amended e-mail came back, only one sentence was added to the initial draft. Is that reasonable?
He would ask me to send out a follow up e-mail, only to later state that the e-mail is bad and he has contacted the clients himself to get whatever he wanted done (without telling me he wanted it done in the first place). But his instructions were that...'Send a follow up e-mail' .
He would give me instructions and later state that he never gave them. Everything that goes wrong in the matter I assist him in, he blames me for it..even if it is due to external factors, like I can't give an affidavit to a client because the client is not in the office and is on leave and no one there can accept the service. I get berated even for that.
No letter I draft is right, even when it is right. When the grammar is right, he'll go and say 'oh well, the grammar might be right but I want it to be in an active sentence and not passive' and accuse me of not knowing my English.
It is as if he has made up his mind that I no longer interested because of my other priorities and would point out to every single possible mistake that I could have done as proof of his belief.
At first, I was wrought with depression. I thought that if he says I am incompetent..than I must be..it must have been me. It must be all my fault. But after analysing the matter, I find myself asking..if my work is so bad..why are there no similar 'issues' and 'problems' when I work for the other boss. Sigh.. I digress
I have been putting up with it for the past 3 months...until yesterday when I really lost my patience. So I told my other boss that if this goes on, I shall leave. At that point of time I was so ready to.
And today...the head of the team has asked me not to leave. My files that I am assisting him on shall be returned to him and I shall work exclusively with my other boss and the head of the team.
I am worth something.. I am capable.
But the friendship I had with him is now lost..and the bridge has been permanently and irretrievably burned. Honestly, I valued the friendship I had more. Had I known it would turn out this way. I would have not joined this firm. I would have worked elsewhere and keep this friendship.
I suppose I thought I knew who he was, only to realise that I don't at all. It does break my heart. It does.
I have learned four things from this:-
1. You cannot work with and/or for your friend. It will inevitably ruin the friendship;
2. Do not for a second think you know a person well enough. Chances are you know nothing at all;
3. I shall never be a boss (if I ever get to be one) who victimizes the people who work for me; and
4. If you keep telling someone over and over again they are useless, incompetent or whatnot, chances are they will start to believe it. It works to the contrary as well. In the end, it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I am glad I never let it come to that for me.
I never shared this with anybody. Aries only knew about this recently whilst the abuse has been going on for almost 3 months.
But its time to clean out my closet. I need to cut out all the negative influence in my life. And this post will help me do that.
And so I shall let this matter rest.
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